I stayed home. Joel went to work. It's like everyday, but for some reason today was a good day.
Our fridge is empty, we have no food and no money for food. But today is a good day.
We're eating leftovers and possibly rotten chicken for dinner tonight. But today is a good day.
The house is a mess and I don't feel like cleaning up. But today is a good day.
I'm trying to make Paksiw na lechon and it's more like adobo with sugar. But today is a good day.
Joba spilled his juice all over the floor, and I missed the cup pouring milk and spilled it all over the floor. But today is a good day.
We got a notice that our internet is 75% used up and we will get charged extra if we go over. But today is a good day.
Joba broke over half of his new toys and Teo ate most of his toys. But today is a good day.
Today is a good day because I have a roof over my head, and food (maybe rotten) on the table.
Today is a good day because my kids are smiling and laughing.
Today is a good day because we have heat and electricity.
Today is a good day because we have internet and clothes and shoes.
Today is a good day because we are surrounded by many (broken and not broken) toys.
Today is a good day because I am loved and will always be loved.
Today is a good day because I have a Saviour and He lives.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
So this is Christmas....
Christmas this year is different, for me at least. For the first time, we have NO money for Christmas presents and our gifts are all provided by Avon. I guess I get some sort of a discount for selling it, but it really isn't much. This year I realized that Christmas in Canada is very materialistic. Well, I knew that, but it never dawned on me until now. People in the malls, in the parking lots, in Wal-Mart, are so rude!! Everyone is in "rush mode." That's not fun for anyone. Joel works at Canadian Tire, and has been for about 2 years, and this year he really doesn't like the Christmas season because of the people. In my little mind, I thought people were supposed to be nicer during the holidays, but maybe things have changed. Maybe everything and everyone is about themselves. Everyone always thinks about the good deals, or all the good sales that come out this season. But, when you don't have any money, you don't really care about the deals or the sales. Christmas is about spending time with family. Thinking about the things that you already have and being grateful for them. On Christmas many kids will be disappointed because maybe their parents didn't buy them what they wanted. Some kids will be ecstatic because "Santa" brought them the new 3DS that they asked for. It does feel good, giving someone something they like and seeing their face light up.
But I wish that all the crabby and "rush mode" people would stop and think about those on the other side of the world that don't even know what Christmas is. They don't have a calendar so they don't even know that it's Christmas time. No one will be there for them to give them presents, no one will be there to buy them food, or clothes. Maybe their homes have been washed away in a landslide or some sort of crazy storm. How many children out there are searching for their mom's and dad's. How many kids have had to become "parents" at the age of 5 by taking care of their 3 year old siblings. There are children all over the world that have to suffer, and cry, and die without their parents. And here we are wasting our money on ourselves and complaining because of slow service, or because the item is out of stock when on the internet it said it was in stock. How selfish are we? How many times have I walked by the Salvation army person smiling to them, saying in my head "I don't have change" yet I'm walking into a Wal-Mart and leaving with toy Nerf guns for the kiddos. I'm not saying that I'm better than all the selfish westerners, I'm saying that I am one of those people and have been in a "rush mode" for all the past years. I have been selfish and never really stopped to think about people on the other side of the world. Now, I am. And I hope everyone else will stop and think and pray this Christmas for those on the other side of the world struggling for survival. Struggling to take care of their children, struggling to keep sanitary food on a non existent table. I hope everyone in the western world will stop before eating their massive meals and say a prayer for those who eat garbage every day of the year. I hope that this side of the world will be thankful for what they have and not whine about what they don't have.
I pray that this side of the world will change and realize what Christmas is about. Jesus, our King, was born in a manger. He was born in a barn because no one wanted to house him. He was born in a barn surrounded by animals and hay. Christmas is about Christ. It is about remembering who we are as Christians and for being thankful for what Jesus has done for us. Being thankful that God gave us His son to save us. I think we should all remember Jesus on Christmas. And as we remember Jesus, we should remember what He did on this earth. He not only saved us from eternal hell. He helped feed the needy, He healed the sick, and He dined with those that people would call unworthy. Jesus is Lord, and He did all that while He was on earth. We are nowhere near being "lords" or "kings" and yet we won't even spend some time with the poor or needy, or even give our spare change. Shame on us. Shame on me. Let's all remember what Christmas is about, and even if we can't give any change or gifts, or our time to those who need it, let's give our prayers and our thoughts to those who are less fortunate this Christmas season. That's all I ask.
With love on this Christmas Eve,
Mari
But I wish that all the crabby and "rush mode" people would stop and think about those on the other side of the world that don't even know what Christmas is. They don't have a calendar so they don't even know that it's Christmas time. No one will be there for them to give them presents, no one will be there to buy them food, or clothes. Maybe their homes have been washed away in a landslide or some sort of crazy storm. How many children out there are searching for their mom's and dad's. How many kids have had to become "parents" at the age of 5 by taking care of their 3 year old siblings. There are children all over the world that have to suffer, and cry, and die without their parents. And here we are wasting our money on ourselves and complaining because of slow service, or because the item is out of stock when on the internet it said it was in stock. How selfish are we? How many times have I walked by the Salvation army person smiling to them, saying in my head "I don't have change" yet I'm walking into a Wal-Mart and leaving with toy Nerf guns for the kiddos. I'm not saying that I'm better than all the selfish westerners, I'm saying that I am one of those people and have been in a "rush mode" for all the past years. I have been selfish and never really stopped to think about people on the other side of the world. Now, I am. And I hope everyone else will stop and think and pray this Christmas for those on the other side of the world struggling for survival. Struggling to take care of their children, struggling to keep sanitary food on a non existent table. I hope everyone in the western world will stop before eating their massive meals and say a prayer for those who eat garbage every day of the year. I hope that this side of the world will be thankful for what they have and not whine about what they don't have.
I pray that this side of the world will change and realize what Christmas is about. Jesus, our King, was born in a manger. He was born in a barn because no one wanted to house him. He was born in a barn surrounded by animals and hay. Christmas is about Christ. It is about remembering who we are as Christians and for being thankful for what Jesus has done for us. Being thankful that God gave us His son to save us. I think we should all remember Jesus on Christmas. And as we remember Jesus, we should remember what He did on this earth. He not only saved us from eternal hell. He helped feed the needy, He healed the sick, and He dined with those that people would call unworthy. Jesus is Lord, and He did all that while He was on earth. We are nowhere near being "lords" or "kings" and yet we won't even spend some time with the poor or needy, or even give our spare change. Shame on us. Shame on me. Let's all remember what Christmas is about, and even if we can't give any change or gifts, or our time to those who need it, let's give our prayers and our thoughts to those who are less fortunate this Christmas season. That's all I ask.
With love on this Christmas Eve,
Mari
Saturday, November 19, 2011
I'm All Tired Out
I don't think I've ever been this tired in my life. I'm exhausted. I work basically 5 days a week. On the days that I'm off, I work from home. On the days that I work at work, I come home and feel completely drained and I still have to clean, cook and put the kiddos to bed. By the time I get to sleep it's around 11:30 and then I have to wake up at 1:00am, 3:00am and 5:00am to feed or comfort a crying Teo who we're trying to get to sleep straight in his crib. Even if I were to sleep with him in our bed he would be rolling and kicking me in the stomach or head or face. It's a lose-lose situation every night. And on the sad side, I work when Joel is off, and when Joel works I'm off. So I get to spend about 2 hours every night with my husband, and every other weekend we have with the kids. It's a busy life, and November is flying by. This week both kids are sick. Teo is teething and Joba has a runny nose, which makes them both incredibly cranky and clingy. It's very frustrating and exhausting and tiring and stressful and I just want to sleep!!!
I guess the moral of the story is two kids are extremely tiring, but I'm still getting by. Each day comes and goes and I'm still standing. God gives me strength every day to handle all the tantrums and when He knows that I'm reaching my breaking point the kids are quiet and calm and give me time to nap or recuperate from the previous tantrum day.
Troubles and hard times are always there. Exhausting and stressful days are always there, and the only way to avoid them is to not let them get the better of you. Ask God throughout your day for help. Ask Him for strength and guidance and patience. Don't take all your stresses out on anyone else because you cause your own stress. The only thing that will take away your stress and exhaustion is God, so ask Him for help. Have faith that He is in control and He is always watching and is always there willing and waiting for you to ask Him for help and guidance. You are never alone in this world. You're not the only one experiencing pain, sorrow, stress, exhaustion. God is there, watching and waiting for you to just ask.
I guess the moral of the story is two kids are extremely tiring, but I'm still getting by. Each day comes and goes and I'm still standing. God gives me strength every day to handle all the tantrums and when He knows that I'm reaching my breaking point the kids are quiet and calm and give me time to nap or recuperate from the previous tantrum day.
Troubles and hard times are always there. Exhausting and stressful days are always there, and the only way to avoid them is to not let them get the better of you. Ask God throughout your day for help. Ask Him for strength and guidance and patience. Don't take all your stresses out on anyone else because you cause your own stress. The only thing that will take away your stress and exhaustion is God, so ask Him for help. Have faith that He is in control and He is always watching and is always there willing and waiting for you to ask Him for help and guidance. You are never alone in this world. You're not the only one experiencing pain, sorrow, stress, exhaustion. God is there, watching and waiting for you to just ask.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Life is Never too Hard
Well, this week I started my new job. It's AMAZING!!! I really like it. Everyone is about my age and friendly. They have lunch every Friday and it's a wonderful work environment. I am hoping to do well and be able to keep this job for a while.
Unfortunately, I just realized that EI deducts dollar for dollar if I earn more than 25% of my mat leave earnings, which is $124. So there's basically no reason for me working. Woo. I also just called the Region of Peel and asked for the status of my subsidy and when I would be getting it. She said probably 2013, the waiting list is just growing and there is no funding and hasn't been funding since August 2010. So, they're at a stand still. That also sucks for me because I can't afford childcare and I'm going to school in January.
Right now I feel like I'm walking around with a blindfold over my eyes. We have no plan, no money and just, nothing to work with. Joel and I have to make decisions based on what's best for our children, but we can't make decisions because we don't know how we're going to go on. We're working with nothing right now, as in no money. Even if I were to work full time I would still have to find a daycare for both children. If I went to school and worked part time, I would still have to find a daycare for both children. No matter what, we need someone to watch the kids starting January.
So, Joel and I are going to continue doing what we've been doing. Have faith that God will take care of us and that He will give us some sort of direction in what we're supposed to do and where the kids are going to go. Something will come up. It's just hard to walk around blindly not knowing what's going to happen in the next few months. I like a plan. I like to know and when I know I feel safe that I know what's going to happen. I feel like God is training me to trust in Him more and to rely on Him to make decisions for us. It's hard, but life is never too hard because God doesn't put us through what we can't handle. So I'm going to try and calm my nerves and stress and trust that God knows what will happen and where my family will go from here. To truly put all of our lives in His hands is what we need to learn, and in a crazy sort of way I'm glad that we're going through this because at least we are reminded of who really is in control of our lives.
Unfortunately, I just realized that EI deducts dollar for dollar if I earn more than 25% of my mat leave earnings, which is $124. So there's basically no reason for me working. Woo. I also just called the Region of Peel and asked for the status of my subsidy and when I would be getting it. She said probably 2013, the waiting list is just growing and there is no funding and hasn't been funding since August 2010. So, they're at a stand still. That also sucks for me because I can't afford childcare and I'm going to school in January.
Right now I feel like I'm walking around with a blindfold over my eyes. We have no plan, no money and just, nothing to work with. Joel and I have to make decisions based on what's best for our children, but we can't make decisions because we don't know how we're going to go on. We're working with nothing right now, as in no money. Even if I were to work full time I would still have to find a daycare for both children. If I went to school and worked part time, I would still have to find a daycare for both children. No matter what, we need someone to watch the kids starting January.
So, Joel and I are going to continue doing what we've been doing. Have faith that God will take care of us and that He will give us some sort of direction in what we're supposed to do and where the kids are going to go. Something will come up. It's just hard to walk around blindly not knowing what's going to happen in the next few months. I like a plan. I like to know and when I know I feel safe that I know what's going to happen. I feel like God is training me to trust in Him more and to rely on Him to make decisions for us. It's hard, but life is never too hard because God doesn't put us through what we can't handle. So I'm going to try and calm my nerves and stress and trust that God knows what will happen and where my family will go from here. To truly put all of our lives in His hands is what we need to learn, and in a crazy sort of way I'm glad that we're going through this because at least we are reminded of who really is in control of our lives.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Holidays
Holidays. I used to love them as a kid. I want my kids to love them too. I want my kids to have the same traditions that I had when I was a kid. Holidays were always family oriented. We would stay with my cousins and play games and such and I want Joba and Teo to play with their cousins too. I want them to enjoy holidays. But today, this thanksgiving, was very hard for me. It was the first thanksgiving without my sister and I never ended a holiday so down. I don't know why. But I feel so down right now. Maybe it's the random "you got very wide" comments and everyone laughing, or the making fun of Josiah's habits that got me a little bothered but I think that if my super sister were there she would make everything okay. Or maybe I'm just a little over sensitive about everything because I have had very little sleep in the last week because Mateo's teething. Today was a miserable holiday and I feel down.
Either way, it is a day to give thanks, so I do give thanks to God for my wonderful hubs who always tries to save me from my self pity hole. I am thankful for my beautiful children who look at me with such wonderful smiles of love and trust. I am thankful for having a roof over my head and I am thankful for being able to just about afford the roof and the food that we made today.
I say this a lot but life is hard and it is definitely not predictable. Bad days happen. Bad holidays will come. I believe that if life were easy and things always went our way then we would never grow as people. The way that bad days are handled helps build character. That doesn't make sense. Let me explain to no one, but if someone does ever read my blogs, let me explain my nonsense. If you were at the grocery store and some guy shoved you and made you drop your groceries, how you handle it represents your character and who you are as a person. So if it happened one time and you yelled at the person only to realize that he was walking with a broken leg and didn't actually mean to push you, and you felt bad for yelling at him, the next time it happens you know not to get so mad so fast and you know to assess the situation before jumping to anger. Hence, the growth of character. See? See? So, bad days happen, bad holidays come, but the next time I get called "wide" or someone makes fun of joba, I know what to do, what to say or what not to say and I'll just exercise more until next holiday comes. Then they can comment on my non-wide-ness, or sliminity?
Either way, it is a day to give thanks, so I do give thanks to God for my wonderful hubs who always tries to save me from my self pity hole. I am thankful for my beautiful children who look at me with such wonderful smiles of love and trust. I am thankful for having a roof over my head and I am thankful for being able to just about afford the roof and the food that we made today.
I say this a lot but life is hard and it is definitely not predictable. Bad days happen. Bad holidays will come. I believe that if life were easy and things always went our way then we would never grow as people. The way that bad days are handled helps build character. That doesn't make sense. Let me explain to no one, but if someone does ever read my blogs, let me explain my nonsense. If you were at the grocery store and some guy shoved you and made you drop your groceries, how you handle it represents your character and who you are as a person. So if it happened one time and you yelled at the person only to realize that he was walking with a broken leg and didn't actually mean to push you, and you felt bad for yelling at him, the next time it happens you know not to get so mad so fast and you know to assess the situation before jumping to anger. Hence, the growth of character. See? See? So, bad days happen, bad holidays come, but the next time I get called "wide" or someone makes fun of joba, I know what to do, what to say or what not to say and I'll just exercise more until next holiday comes. Then they can comment on my non-wide-ness, or sliminity?
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
The English Language
I was just thinking about this in the middle of the night while Mateo was throwing one of his random dream tantrums.
You can't really say anything unless you know what the meaning is. For example, you can't say "I ate bread today" and not know what bread actually is. You can't really invent the meaning either because most people know what bread is. So if you say "I ate bread" and your meaning of bread is tomatoes no one will understand when you say "I ate bread" as "I ate tomatoes" because everybody knows bread as bread and not tomatoes, except for you. Make sense? Yes, right!!!
So how can people say "I love you" to someone and not really know the true meaning of love. They're probably really saying "I think you're pretty cool" or "my tummy gets mushy when I see you, but it could be diarrhea." Do you really KNOW the meaning of love? Or is it like bread and tomatoes being the same thing. I think that a lot of people retard the meaning of love just like my bread and tomatoes analogy. A lot of people don't know Jesus, or how much He loves us and the sacrifices that God made for us. God IS Love, so if they don't know Him, then how can they say "I love you" to their "loved" ones.
Eh? Eh???? Think about it.
Even I don't fully understand God's love for me. It's too much for my tiny little brain. His love for us is infinitely massive. I guess I can say that I adore my children and greatly enjoy the company of my husband..........most of the time.
You can't really say anything unless you know what the meaning is. For example, you can't say "I ate bread today" and not know what bread actually is. You can't really invent the meaning either because most people know what bread is. So if you say "I ate bread" and your meaning of bread is tomatoes no one will understand when you say "I ate bread" as "I ate tomatoes" because everybody knows bread as bread and not tomatoes, except for you. Make sense? Yes, right!!!
So how can people say "I love you" to someone and not really know the true meaning of love. They're probably really saying "I think you're pretty cool" or "my tummy gets mushy when I see you, but it could be diarrhea." Do you really KNOW the meaning of love? Or is it like bread and tomatoes being the same thing. I think that a lot of people retard the meaning of love just like my bread and tomatoes analogy. A lot of people don't know Jesus, or how much He loves us and the sacrifices that God made for us. God IS Love, so if they don't know Him, then how can they say "I love you" to their "loved" ones.
Eh? Eh???? Think about it.
Even I don't fully understand God's love for me. It's too much for my tiny little brain. His love for us is infinitely massive. I guess I can say that I adore my children and greatly enjoy the company of my husband..........most of the time.
Oh it's so comfortable
My brain is turned off during the day. It feels like when I'm with my kids, watching them play, feeding them food, my brain is turned off with the only focus being them. When I finally get time to myself, which is in the shower or during mid-pee, I have random splurges of feeling blessed and feeling thankful that I am where I am in my life. Then, last night, in the shower of course (where my brain works) I started to get angry with myself because I was so comfortable in my life. Reading my sister and her husband's blogs about being missionaries in another world, forced me to think about how comfortable I am. I don't think that's fair to God, me being comfortable. I want to be able to not be comfortable, to step out on a limb and take risks for my faith. Instead I sit in the shower (not literally sit, maybe just lean against the wall) and feel comfortable with my hot water and such.
Then, I think of how big of a change my husband and I just made. We grew up in a church most of our lives. Made friends, good friends, and then after, for me, 24 years of going to that church, we got up and decided that we were needed elsewhere. It wasn't an instant decision. It took over a year of prayer, of waiting, of discussing and then finally we knew that it was time. No, we didn't fly to another country or anything like that, we simply drove in the opposite direction towards the church that we thought could use our talents most for. I didn't want to "bury my talents" like in the parable Jesus told, I wanted to use them for the Lord. And burying them we were. Now I finally feel like I'm doing something good in my life. I finally feel like the Lord is proud of me and my works.
It's hard. Leaving your comfort zone, leaving the circle of friends you have. It took us over a year to just be able to say goodbye in our minds. Slowly, one by one, we had to say goodbye in our hearts to those we loved and cherished, and watched grow. But we knew that all of them were in the hands of the Lord, so who were we to worry? We knew they would be fine and that we were needed elsewhere. It took a huge push from the Lord but that push was what we needed to finally do what he wanted us to do.
Now we are slowly meeting new friends and it's a great feeling. It really is. Step out of your comfort zone for the Lord. It's hard, it really is, but no one said life was easy. It's not supposed to be easy. Sacrifice your comfort for God. After all, He did sacrificed his only Son for you.
Then, I think of how big of a change my husband and I just made. We grew up in a church most of our lives. Made friends, good friends, and then after, for me, 24 years of going to that church, we got up and decided that we were needed elsewhere. It wasn't an instant decision. It took over a year of prayer, of waiting, of discussing and then finally we knew that it was time. No, we didn't fly to another country or anything like that, we simply drove in the opposite direction towards the church that we thought could use our talents most for. I didn't want to "bury my talents" like in the parable Jesus told, I wanted to use them for the Lord. And burying them we were. Now I finally feel like I'm doing something good in my life. I finally feel like the Lord is proud of me and my works.
It's hard. Leaving your comfort zone, leaving the circle of friends you have. It took us over a year to just be able to say goodbye in our minds. Slowly, one by one, we had to say goodbye in our hearts to those we loved and cherished, and watched grow. But we knew that all of them were in the hands of the Lord, so who were we to worry? We knew they would be fine and that we were needed elsewhere. It took a huge push from the Lord but that push was what we needed to finally do what he wanted us to do.
Now we are slowly meeting new friends and it's a great feeling. It really is. Step out of your comfort zone for the Lord. It's hard, it really is, but no one said life was easy. It's not supposed to be easy. Sacrifice your comfort for God. After all, He did sacrificed his only Son for you.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
@what_mom_says
I always come up with the best ideas in the shower. It is my life's ambition to write a book about teenage mothers and their difficulties. I want to interview a whole bunch of young mother's and just get a whole bunch of random quotes and put it together and make it a book. That is what I want to do, and I think I will do that sometime before I die. As of right now, I'm pretty busy making up a whole bunch of funny motherly quotes in my head, most of them created while in the shower.
Being in the shower is my only alone time. Or so I thought, until I see a tiny hand splashing the water from underneath the shower curtains.
Motherhood means no alone time. No rest. The college administration workers are on strike. I wish I could go on strike.
Motherhood is life. It means loving and caring for someone for their entire lifetime. On Facebook I see all my friends and their good jobs and career accomplishments. My highest level of academic achievement is my high school diploma.
Motherhood is beyond hard. It is tiring, and makes you age faster than fake tanning. Yesterday I graduated from high school. Today I have 2 kids and am worrying about what to make for dinner.
Lady Gaga calls her fans "little monsters." I call my kids little monsters. Not because they are my fans. But because they really are little monsters.
For more quirky or not so quirky quotes follow me on twitter @what_mom_says.
Anyway, back to normal bloggage.
I finally have time to write in this blog area thing. I've always wanted to write a blog about babies and how wonderful of a time I am having being a mother. I'm having such a wonderful time, that I don't actually have time to write in this blog of mine. Well, what can I say? Motherhood is busy. Too busy. I need some breathing room a whole lot of the time. It's hard to do anything for myself. Make a phone call, read a chapter in a book, or even watch my own TV show. My first son is 2 and a half and I'm attempting potty training, and my second son is 7 months, teething and is being super clingy and cranky because of it. Life is hard, and expensive.
It sucks. Having no money. I have to go back to work early, part time because we can't really afford stuff. Summer was expensive. I know winter won't be as expensive because no one likes the cold. Mateo is eating Josiah's backpack. I'm watching. Great motherhood right here. *high five*
I'm so cranky and tired most of the day. Joel's lucky he's at work, on his days off I really put him to work. I make him change the diapers, and feed the kids. Sometimes I think I'm a little spoiled, then I remind myself how great I am and that I deserve it. -_-
I think my kids are the cutest. But then I am a little biased. They are cute though. Like, super cute. Sometimes I squeeze Mateo so much he cries, or pukes a bit.
I'm thirsty. That's the end of this blog. Till next time.
-crazy mom
Being in the shower is my only alone time. Or so I thought, until I see a tiny hand splashing the water from underneath the shower curtains.
Motherhood means no alone time. No rest. The college administration workers are on strike. I wish I could go on strike.
Motherhood is life. It means loving and caring for someone for their entire lifetime. On Facebook I see all my friends and their good jobs and career accomplishments. My highest level of academic achievement is my high school diploma.
Motherhood is beyond hard. It is tiring, and makes you age faster than fake tanning. Yesterday I graduated from high school. Today I have 2 kids and am worrying about what to make for dinner.
Lady Gaga calls her fans "little monsters." I call my kids little monsters. Not because they are my fans. But because they really are little monsters.
For more quirky or not so quirky quotes follow me on twitter @what_mom_says.
Anyway, back to normal bloggage.
I finally have time to write in this blog area thing. I've always wanted to write a blog about babies and how wonderful of a time I am having being a mother. I'm having such a wonderful time, that I don't actually have time to write in this blog of mine. Well, what can I say? Motherhood is busy. Too busy. I need some breathing room a whole lot of the time. It's hard to do anything for myself. Make a phone call, read a chapter in a book, or even watch my own TV show. My first son is 2 and a half and I'm attempting potty training, and my second son is 7 months, teething and is being super clingy and cranky because of it. Life is hard, and expensive.
It sucks. Having no money. I have to go back to work early, part time because we can't really afford stuff. Summer was expensive. I know winter won't be as expensive because no one likes the cold. Mateo is eating Josiah's backpack. I'm watching. Great motherhood right here. *high five*
I'm so cranky and tired most of the day. Joel's lucky he's at work, on his days off I really put him to work. I make him change the diapers, and feed the kids. Sometimes I think I'm a little spoiled, then I remind myself how great I am and that I deserve it. -_-
I think my kids are the cutest. But then I am a little biased. They are cute though. Like, super cute. Sometimes I squeeze Mateo so much he cries, or pukes a bit.
I'm thirsty. That's the end of this blog. Till next time.
-crazy mom
Sunday, July 31, 2011
.................
Death. It's always on my mind, I don't know why. I think we're just a tragic family. My sister told me she was going to die in a car crash when she was 18, or she told me something along those lines. She said she was going to die young, I don't know why she told me that, but she did. She's turning 28 now, and basically has two kids. That means she's already old, so her prediction was false, thankfully. Everyday I plan my funeral. Who I want to sing, what song I want in the slideshow. I always tell Joel, "I want you to sing this at my funeral." I have said that to him about a lot of songs though, at this rate, my funeral will be a concert of Joel and Paula (his guitar). Death is all around. We all think about it: how it will happen, when it will happen; but none of us really know the where or when, we only know that it is inevitable.
This week has been a painful week for my family. My Lola Annie died a couple of days ago and it extremely saddens me. I never really got to meet her. I don't remember much about her. I wanted to go to the Philippines at least once and see her and introduce myself as her granddaughter. I never really got that chance. Even though I never really knew her, I know that she must have been an amazing Lola to everyone in my family. She must have been an amazing mother to be able to raise my daddy the way she did. My dad is amazing and therefore, she herself, must have been amazing. Even though most of the Tunay clan is in the Philippines I can still feel their pain and sorrow and sadness. That's the thing about families. No matter how much distance is between us, I can still feel the pain that they must be going through. It's kind of like a big storm in the middle of the ocean and how the waves from the storm ripple towards the shore. That made more sense in my head. But I do send all of my deepest condolences from Canada. I wish, I wish I went back to the Philippines earlier so that I could have met this wonderful woman. From the videos I have seen, she was a very lively, jolly, and happy woman. She was surrounded by many people, mostly family, who love her very deeply. I wish that I could be there to support my family during their time of need. I hope that they do know that I am thinking of them and am constantly praying for their strength as individuals and as a family during these hard times.
Every day is a struggle, but I keep reminding myself that I won't be here forever so live each day as if it were your last. That's a typical line isn't it. I like to think of death as God calling his angels home. Life on earth will end, be excited for what comes after. Every day is a blessing. Live it and love it.
This week has been a painful week for my family. My Lola Annie died a couple of days ago and it extremely saddens me. I never really got to meet her. I don't remember much about her. I wanted to go to the Philippines at least once and see her and introduce myself as her granddaughter. I never really got that chance. Even though I never really knew her, I know that she must have been an amazing Lola to everyone in my family. She must have been an amazing mother to be able to raise my daddy the way she did. My dad is amazing and therefore, she herself, must have been amazing. Even though most of the Tunay clan is in the Philippines I can still feel their pain and sorrow and sadness. That's the thing about families. No matter how much distance is between us, I can still feel the pain that they must be going through. It's kind of like a big storm in the middle of the ocean and how the waves from the storm ripple towards the shore. That made more sense in my head. But I do send all of my deepest condolences from Canada. I wish, I wish I went back to the Philippines earlier so that I could have met this wonderful woman. From the videos I have seen, she was a very lively, jolly, and happy woman. She was surrounded by many people, mostly family, who love her very deeply. I wish that I could be there to support my family during their time of need. I hope that they do know that I am thinking of them and am constantly praying for their strength as individuals and as a family during these hard times.
Every day is a struggle, but I keep reminding myself that I won't be here forever so live each day as if it were your last. That's a typical line isn't it. I like to think of death as God calling his angels home. Life on earth will end, be excited for what comes after. Every day is a blessing. Live it and love it.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Life As We Know It.
Well, I think it's safe to say that life for Joel and I has drastically changed. We are no longer single, and we no longer can think for ourselves. Whenever we have to make plans, we actually have to plan for the kids. We have to plan around their nap times or their bed times. Life isn't about us anymore, it is about them.
In church on Sunday, the speaker was speaking about mothers and how they cannot be selfish. Motherhood is about sacrifice, and not just motherhood, but parenting and having kids is about losing yourself in them. As parents we have to sacrifice the lives that we have and make every decision based on what would be good for the kids.
For Joel and I, I think that this was a hard process to understand. Not being selfish, but being selfless. When we had Josiah, it was easy, because he was a newborn. He would sleep all the time, had no schedule. He would eat when he was hungry and go to bed when he was sleepy. All we had to do was take all the bottles and food with us, and we were like his home on wheels (or feet rather). So, life, in that sense, hadn't changed much. We were still able to go out, eat out, hang out, whenever and wherever we wanted. We were the same Joel and Mari, but with a little munchkin.
As Josiah gets older, we slowly have to learn how to sacrifice for him. As much as we want to go out, we have to see what will be easy for him. If we go out too late, he will be cranky and tantrum and cause a whole scene in the restaurant, at someone's house, just everywhere. If he doesn't have his nap, he will be tantrummy, if he doesn't eat on time, tantrum. We have to make sure that he is always on schedule, because if he isn't then he will be so cranky. So now, every time we go out, we have to go out according to Josiah's schedule or mayhem breaks loose.
So when everyone is at the park playing on a nice and sunny day, or staying out late at a friend's house, we have to be home by 8:00 so that Josiah can eat dinner and go to bed on time. In the afternoon's we have to go home by 1:00 or 2:00pm because that's Josiah's nap time and if he doesn't get that then he will be cranky.
Parenting is about sacrifice. You have to change your perspective on life. It's no longer about you, it's about your children. On Supernanny, she said that children rely on a schedule because if there is no schedule then there is no control. She was right. If we are off schedule with Josiah, then he is out of control. What I care most about in life, is that my children are okay, that they are in control and that they are happy.
Josiah hates crowds. He hates when people crowd around him. He hates the mall, he hates when he is out of his comfort zone. So, me and Joel can't be in big crowds and we can't go to the mall when it's busy. Eventually he will grow out of it, but why torture him with the things that he fears.
Josiah is an amazing kid. He has experienced a lot of things in life that many have not experienced. Everyday he wakes up happy and smiling. When he goes to bed he tells us that he loves us and says good night. There is never any whining or crying. We tell him to do something and he will do it. There are the occasional tantrums and such, but all in all, he is happy. He plays, he smiles, he loves and he cares for everyone around him. And he's only 2. He has changed my life so much.
Because of him, I don't care what anyone thinks of me or my family. As long as I know that God loves me and that my family is happy, then I am fine. Joel and I sacrifice for our children every day. We sacrifice going out to the movies, or going out for dinner. We sacrifice a lot of fellowships and hanging out with the youth. We can't be that Joel and Mari anymore who can just hang out with our friends. We are parents. We are on a new journey in our lives and we have moved on.
We married young, and had a child at a very young age, but that's what happens when you make decisions. You sacrifice your childhood or your own young adulthood for your own children. I feel like I'm 35 years old and I'm only 24. Having children is hard. Having kids is hard. If you're not willing to give up your life for someone, then you're not ready to have a child.
I admit. I miss when I could go watch movies, or just make random decisions to go to the park. Or I miss when me and Joel could hang out, just the two of us. But doing stuff like that is nearly impossible. I am not just me. I am Mari, Joel, Josiah and Mateo. Every decision I make affects all 3 of them.
Being selfless. It's what a family is and what a family is about. Being Selfless. Sacrifice. Love.
I am not who I was and I don't want to go back. I am a mother. I am a wife. I like who I am, and if that means losing things and people that I once had in my life, then I am fine with that. God called me to be who I am now. My ministry is my children. I love them because Christ loved me, and I will teach them to love Christ because that, as a mother, is my duty. Nothing else in this world matters to me than to have my children know and love the Jesus Christ that I know and love. That is my calling. This is what God wants for me.
This is life as I know it. My family. Nothing else matters.
In church on Sunday, the speaker was speaking about mothers and how they cannot be selfish. Motherhood is about sacrifice, and not just motherhood, but parenting and having kids is about losing yourself in them. As parents we have to sacrifice the lives that we have and make every decision based on what would be good for the kids.
For Joel and I, I think that this was a hard process to understand. Not being selfish, but being selfless. When we had Josiah, it was easy, because he was a newborn. He would sleep all the time, had no schedule. He would eat when he was hungry and go to bed when he was sleepy. All we had to do was take all the bottles and food with us, and we were like his home on wheels (or feet rather). So, life, in that sense, hadn't changed much. We were still able to go out, eat out, hang out, whenever and wherever we wanted. We were the same Joel and Mari, but with a little munchkin.
As Josiah gets older, we slowly have to learn how to sacrifice for him. As much as we want to go out, we have to see what will be easy for him. If we go out too late, he will be cranky and tantrum and cause a whole scene in the restaurant, at someone's house, just everywhere. If he doesn't have his nap, he will be tantrummy, if he doesn't eat on time, tantrum. We have to make sure that he is always on schedule, because if he isn't then he will be so cranky. So now, every time we go out, we have to go out according to Josiah's schedule or mayhem breaks loose.
So when everyone is at the park playing on a nice and sunny day, or staying out late at a friend's house, we have to be home by 8:00 so that Josiah can eat dinner and go to bed on time. In the afternoon's we have to go home by 1:00 or 2:00pm because that's Josiah's nap time and if he doesn't get that then he will be cranky.
Parenting is about sacrifice. You have to change your perspective on life. It's no longer about you, it's about your children. On Supernanny, she said that children rely on a schedule because if there is no schedule then there is no control. She was right. If we are off schedule with Josiah, then he is out of control. What I care most about in life, is that my children are okay, that they are in control and that they are happy.
Josiah hates crowds. He hates when people crowd around him. He hates the mall, he hates when he is out of his comfort zone. So, me and Joel can't be in big crowds and we can't go to the mall when it's busy. Eventually he will grow out of it, but why torture him with the things that he fears.
Josiah is an amazing kid. He has experienced a lot of things in life that many have not experienced. Everyday he wakes up happy and smiling. When he goes to bed he tells us that he loves us and says good night. There is never any whining or crying. We tell him to do something and he will do it. There are the occasional tantrums and such, but all in all, he is happy. He plays, he smiles, he loves and he cares for everyone around him. And he's only 2. He has changed my life so much.
Because of him, I don't care what anyone thinks of me or my family. As long as I know that God loves me and that my family is happy, then I am fine. Joel and I sacrifice for our children every day. We sacrifice going out to the movies, or going out for dinner. We sacrifice a lot of fellowships and hanging out with the youth. We can't be that Joel and Mari anymore who can just hang out with our friends. We are parents. We are on a new journey in our lives and we have moved on.
We married young, and had a child at a very young age, but that's what happens when you make decisions. You sacrifice your childhood or your own young adulthood for your own children. I feel like I'm 35 years old and I'm only 24. Having children is hard. Having kids is hard. If you're not willing to give up your life for someone, then you're not ready to have a child.
I admit. I miss when I could go watch movies, or just make random decisions to go to the park. Or I miss when me and Joel could hang out, just the two of us. But doing stuff like that is nearly impossible. I am not just me. I am Mari, Joel, Josiah and Mateo. Every decision I make affects all 3 of them.
Being selfless. It's what a family is and what a family is about. Being Selfless. Sacrifice. Love.
I am not who I was and I don't want to go back. I am a mother. I am a wife. I like who I am, and if that means losing things and people that I once had in my life, then I am fine with that. God called me to be who I am now. My ministry is my children. I love them because Christ loved me, and I will teach them to love Christ because that, as a mother, is my duty. Nothing else in this world matters to me than to have my children know and love the Jesus Christ that I know and love. That is my calling. This is what God wants for me.
This is life as I know it. My family. Nothing else matters.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Wait! Just Wait....
I feel like God has been constantly telling me something all weekend. He keeps telling me to wait. For what? I know not. But I have to wait.
Yesterday my family (husband and kids) went for a walk in the park. It was a loooonnggg walk. It was a sort of one way walk. We were wondering as we were walking how far we could go, I had to remind him that we still had to walk back, so as far as we walk straight, double that, because we'd have to turn around and walk back to the car, make sense? Anyway, for those Mississaugans, we walked from Burnhamthorpe to Dundas, and then had to go back. On the way back Josiah woke up from his nap and constantly wanted uppy or would run and stop and look at rocks and want to play in the mud or play on the slant that the bridge has. He would run up and down and up and down the bridge. Bikers would go around him, people would smile at him, he was having fun. Me and Joel were not. We were tired, we just wanted to go to the car. I kept reminding Joel that we went to the park for Josiah anyway so he could have some fresh air, but after 30 minutes of standing by the bridge waiting for Josiah to tire out, we picked him up and left. On our way back Josiah had at least 5 tantrums and Joel had to carry him over half the way back to the car. It was tiring, it was stressful and it was tiring.
We were 2 minutes away from the car, and when you see your destination you have this sudden spurt of energy to just go go go. I wasn't that tired, but I wasn't the one carrying Josiah. Joel, on the other had, said his legs were burning and he just wanted to sit. We reached a huge puddle in the middle of the pathway, but there were also two little paths on either side that led around the puddle. As we were approaching it, there were two other ladies crossing on one side (a smooth, wide, and flat path) and I saw that the path on the other side was all bumpy with tree roots, was more narrow and was on a slight incline. I was pushing Mateo in the stroller and Josiah's stroller was also attached to Mateo's, so me, being a little more patient and a lot less tired than Joel, decided to wait for the two ladies to pass on the other side, instead of going over all the bumpy tree roots and falling in the puddle. Joel, unfortunately, is much less patient, and was more tired than me, he decided to pull the stroller through the bumpiness of the tree roots.
It was what I would say an epic fail. The whole time I was screaming "Wait! Just Wait!" and he was pulling me and the strollers through the inclined and bumpy and much more narrower path. What else would happen.......I tripped on a tree root, my foot slid in the mud and the strollers upturned. If Mateo wasn't buckled in, he would have face planted. My children, they sleep like logs. We put the stroller back upright, and Mateo went back to sleep (what a guy). Anyway, I wasn't mad at all. I knew Joel was tired and just wanted to go back to the car, but during that whole trek through the narrow and bumpy path I was screaming "Wait, wait, wait!" but he wasn't listening and was determined to go forward. Had we waited 5 more seconds, I could have went on the smooth path that the ladies were walking on and we would have gotten across the puddle much faster than rushing through the other bumpy way. I know Joel felt bad for literally dragging me through the mud (and I have a boo boo on my finger) and I'm pretty sure he learned his lesson (when I say wait, he should WAIT). And surprisingly, I wasn't mad at all. The important thing was that the kids were both fine and at the end of the day, that's what really matters (in my mind).
What did I learn? I learned that sometimes, it is better to wait. Actually, a lot of the time it is better to wait. There were two paths, one wide, one narrow. one bumpy, one smooth. One was on a bit of a slant and the other was flat. Sometimes we are in such a rush that we don't bother to see both paths, we take the first convenient path in life and we fall. This is a lesson that I constantly learn and constantly have to teach my children and husband. Good things come to those who wait.
Josiah, who is now in his terrible twos, has inherited his dad's patience, or lack of. When he's hungry he'll say "banana" or "apple" and both need to be peeled or cut. So when he asks for it, I get it and I start to cut or peel it. Josiah can't wait for that. He decides to go on the floor, scream and cry and kick, and then go in time out for 10 minutes until he stops crying, and then he will get the food. Essentially, if he just waited 2 minutes, he would get what he asked for, but instead he chooses to wait 15. He saw the food, he wanted it. How is he going to eat an unpeeled banana? Even gorillas peel their bananas!
We don't get everything we want right away, and that's what most of the world needs to learn. Impatient people who don't have money, rob the bank, or go into debt maxing out credit cards. Why go broke when you could just wait, earn the money, save the money and then go buy what you need. Life is a waiting game and a lot of people lose.
A plant takes time to grow, babies take time to grow. Why are we fast forwarding life? Enjoy the now, and trust God with the future. Wait for God to make His plans for you. Wait for Him to show you what He wants you to do in life. Don't rush anything.
I was looking up verses on "waiting" in the Bible and I came across this Bible Study about patience and waiting.
http://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/articles/theology/081112.html?start=1
It's called "The Secret of Waiting" and it gives reasons on why we should wait and how we should wait on God.
"Waiting on God may be the most difficult of all the spiritual disciplines, and perhaps that's the reason so few truly practice it. Just sitting in his presence and gazing … it can be agonizing to us who have become accustomed to being bombarded with data and stimuli. We lack the attention span to wait on God. But he knows that, so in his kindness he designs scenarios that will help us learn how to wait on him. Once we press through and cross the boredom threshold, we open to the joys and adventures of waiting on God."
I think that this is difficult for today's generation because of all the technology around us. It is agonizing to wait, for anything! I pray, that for myself and my family, we all learn the power or patience in all things we do.
Yesterday my family (husband and kids) went for a walk in the park. It was a loooonnggg walk. It was a sort of one way walk. We were wondering as we were walking how far we could go, I had to remind him that we still had to walk back, so as far as we walk straight, double that, because we'd have to turn around and walk back to the car, make sense? Anyway, for those Mississaugans, we walked from Burnhamthorpe to Dundas, and then had to go back. On the way back Josiah woke up from his nap and constantly wanted uppy or would run and stop and look at rocks and want to play in the mud or play on the slant that the bridge has. He would run up and down and up and down the bridge. Bikers would go around him, people would smile at him, he was having fun. Me and Joel were not. We were tired, we just wanted to go to the car. I kept reminding Joel that we went to the park for Josiah anyway so he could have some fresh air, but after 30 minutes of standing by the bridge waiting for Josiah to tire out, we picked him up and left. On our way back Josiah had at least 5 tantrums and Joel had to carry him over half the way back to the car. It was tiring, it was stressful and it was tiring.
We were 2 minutes away from the car, and when you see your destination you have this sudden spurt of energy to just go go go. I wasn't that tired, but I wasn't the one carrying Josiah. Joel, on the other had, said his legs were burning and he just wanted to sit. We reached a huge puddle in the middle of the pathway, but there were also two little paths on either side that led around the puddle. As we were approaching it, there were two other ladies crossing on one side (a smooth, wide, and flat path) and I saw that the path on the other side was all bumpy with tree roots, was more narrow and was on a slight incline. I was pushing Mateo in the stroller and Josiah's stroller was also attached to Mateo's, so me, being a little more patient and a lot less tired than Joel, decided to wait for the two ladies to pass on the other side, instead of going over all the bumpy tree roots and falling in the puddle. Joel, unfortunately, is much less patient, and was more tired than me, he decided to pull the stroller through the bumpiness of the tree roots.
It was what I would say an epic fail. The whole time I was screaming "Wait! Just Wait!" and he was pulling me and the strollers through the inclined and bumpy and much more narrower path. What else would happen.......I tripped on a tree root, my foot slid in the mud and the strollers upturned. If Mateo wasn't buckled in, he would have face planted. My children, they sleep like logs. We put the stroller back upright, and Mateo went back to sleep (what a guy). Anyway, I wasn't mad at all. I knew Joel was tired and just wanted to go back to the car, but during that whole trek through the narrow and bumpy path I was screaming "Wait, wait, wait!" but he wasn't listening and was determined to go forward. Had we waited 5 more seconds, I could have went on the smooth path that the ladies were walking on and we would have gotten across the puddle much faster than rushing through the other bumpy way. I know Joel felt bad for literally dragging me through the mud (and I have a boo boo on my finger) and I'm pretty sure he learned his lesson (when I say wait, he should WAIT). And surprisingly, I wasn't mad at all. The important thing was that the kids were both fine and at the end of the day, that's what really matters (in my mind).
What did I learn? I learned that sometimes, it is better to wait. Actually, a lot of the time it is better to wait. There were two paths, one wide, one narrow. one bumpy, one smooth. One was on a bit of a slant and the other was flat. Sometimes we are in such a rush that we don't bother to see both paths, we take the first convenient path in life and we fall. This is a lesson that I constantly learn and constantly have to teach my children and husband. Good things come to those who wait.
Josiah, who is now in his terrible twos, has inherited his dad's patience, or lack of. When he's hungry he'll say "banana" or "apple" and both need to be peeled or cut. So when he asks for it, I get it and I start to cut or peel it. Josiah can't wait for that. He decides to go on the floor, scream and cry and kick, and then go in time out for 10 minutes until he stops crying, and then he will get the food. Essentially, if he just waited 2 minutes, he would get what he asked for, but instead he chooses to wait 15. He saw the food, he wanted it. How is he going to eat an unpeeled banana? Even gorillas peel their bananas!
We don't get everything we want right away, and that's what most of the world needs to learn. Impatient people who don't have money, rob the bank, or go into debt maxing out credit cards. Why go broke when you could just wait, earn the money, save the money and then go buy what you need. Life is a waiting game and a lot of people lose.
A plant takes time to grow, babies take time to grow. Why are we fast forwarding life? Enjoy the now, and trust God with the future. Wait for God to make His plans for you. Wait for Him to show you what He wants you to do in life. Don't rush anything.
I was looking up verses on "waiting" in the Bible and I came across this Bible Study about patience and waiting.
http://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/articles/theology/081112.html?start=1
It's called "The Secret of Waiting" and it gives reasons on why we should wait and how we should wait on God.
"Waiting on God may be the most difficult of all the spiritual disciplines, and perhaps that's the reason so few truly practice it. Just sitting in his presence and gazing … it can be agonizing to us who have become accustomed to being bombarded with data and stimuli. We lack the attention span to wait on God. But he knows that, so in his kindness he designs scenarios that will help us learn how to wait on him. Once we press through and cross the boredom threshold, we open to the joys and adventures of waiting on God."
I think that this is difficult for today's generation because of all the technology around us. It is agonizing to wait, for anything! I pray, that for myself and my family, we all learn the power or patience in all things we do.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Final Sale, No Returns or Refunds.
It's been a while since I've blogged. It's been awhile since I've had my own thoughts. I think that over the past year of not blogging my brain has filled up with random thoughts that people following me on twitter are sick of me clogging their newsfeed. Henceforth, I have decided to brain splart all over my blog.
Why has it been awhile? 1 kid is tough, 2 kids is toughest. The transition from one to two kids brings A LOT of responsibility, takes up double the amount of time, it is very tiring and stressful and just wears me down. I am so tired. I have not done anything for myself in a while. With just Josiah, it was easier because I would only have to keep an eye on one child and when Josiah was napping I would have my own time to do what I want. But with two, they don't nap at the same time and sometimes they both always want my attention and that's hard. Yes, I have two eyes, but I'm not a bird or lizard, I can only look in one direction.
It's weird because after I had Mateo (my second boy) it's like my "mommy instincts" doubled. Even though I'm watching one, I know what Josiah is doing even when he's not in the room. I have been blessed with an independent first born. Josiah likes to play by himself, and I'm glad, because I can focus on Mateo. Unfortunately, Josiah is in his terrible twos, and it really is terrible. This stage wears you down like crazy. It's super hard, his tantrums. If you think it's bad when they're 1, just wait until they turn 2. Now with 1 child at 2 years old and a newborn, I don't know what I was thinking. Life is hard. Don't think you can handle it without the grace of God because without God, I wouldn't survive each day. There are days when I am so overwhelmed I just want to cry and cry. And it won't get any better. When Joba is 3 apparently it gets worse, and just wait until he can really talk back. Oh man. Kids, there really isn't a return policy or refund.
Why has it been awhile? 1 kid is tough, 2 kids is toughest. The transition from one to two kids brings A LOT of responsibility, takes up double the amount of time, it is very tiring and stressful and just wears me down. I am so tired. I have not done anything for myself in a while. With just Josiah, it was easier because I would only have to keep an eye on one child and when Josiah was napping I would have my own time to do what I want. But with two, they don't nap at the same time and sometimes they both always want my attention and that's hard. Yes, I have two eyes, but I'm not a bird or lizard, I can only look in one direction.
It's weird because after I had Mateo (my second boy) it's like my "mommy instincts" doubled. Even though I'm watching one, I know what Josiah is doing even when he's not in the room. I have been blessed with an independent first born. Josiah likes to play by himself, and I'm glad, because I can focus on Mateo. Unfortunately, Josiah is in his terrible twos, and it really is terrible. This stage wears you down like crazy. It's super hard, his tantrums. If you think it's bad when they're 1, just wait until they turn 2. Now with 1 child at 2 years old and a newborn, I don't know what I was thinking. Life is hard. Don't think you can handle it without the grace of God because without God, I wouldn't survive each day. There are days when I am so overwhelmed I just want to cry and cry. And it won't get any better. When Joba is 3 apparently it gets worse, and just wait until he can really talk back. Oh man. Kids, there really isn't a return policy or refund.
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