Life As We Know It.

Well, I think it's safe to say that life for Joel and I has drastically changed.  We are no longer single, and we no longer can think for ourselves.  Whenever we have to make plans, we actually have to plan for the kids.  We have to plan around their nap times or their bed times.  Life isn't about us anymore, it is about them.

In church on Sunday, the speaker was speaking about mothers and how they cannot be selfish.  Motherhood is about sacrifice, and not just motherhood, but parenting and having kids is about losing yourself in them.  As parents we have to sacrifice the lives that we have and make every decision based on what would be good for the kids.

For Joel and I, I think that this was a hard process to understand.  Not being selfish, but being selfless.  When we had Josiah, it was easy, because he was a newborn.  He would sleep all the time, had no schedule.  He would eat when he was hungry and go to bed when he was sleepy.  All we had to do was take all the bottles and food with us, and we were like his home on wheels (or feet rather).  So, life, in that sense, hadn't changed much.  We were still able to go out, eat out, hang out, whenever and wherever we wanted.  We were the same Joel and Mari, but with a little munchkin.

As Josiah gets older, we slowly have to learn how to sacrifice for him.  As much as we want to go out, we have to see what will be easy for him.  If we go out too late, he will be cranky and tantrum and cause a whole scene in the restaurant, at someone's house, just everywhere.  If he doesn't have his nap, he will be tantrummy, if he doesn't eat on time, tantrum.  We have to make sure that he is always on schedule, because if he isn't then he will be so cranky.  So now, every time we go out, we have to go out according to Josiah's schedule or mayhem breaks loose.

So when everyone is at the park playing on a nice and sunny day, or staying out late at a friend's house, we have to be home by 8:00 so that Josiah can eat dinner and go to bed on time.  In the afternoon's we have to go home by 1:00 or 2:00pm because that's Josiah's nap time and if he doesn't get that then he will be cranky.

Parenting is about sacrifice.  You have to change your perspective on life.  It's no longer about you, it's about your children.  On Supernanny, she said that children rely on a schedule because if there is no schedule then there is no control.  She was right.  If we are off schedule with Josiah, then he is out of control.  What I care most about in life, is that my children are okay, that they are in control and that they are happy.

Josiah hates crowds.  He hates when people crowd around him.  He hates the mall, he hates when he is out of his comfort zone.  So, me and Joel can't be in big crowds and we can't go to the mall when it's busy.  Eventually he will grow out of it, but why torture him with the things that he fears.

Josiah is an amazing kid.  He has experienced a lot of things in life that many have not experienced.  Everyday he wakes up happy and smiling.  When he goes to bed he tells us that he loves us and says good night.  There is never any whining or crying.  We tell him to do something and he will do it.  There are the occasional tantrums and such, but all in all, he is happy.  He plays, he smiles, he loves and he cares for everyone around him.  And he's only 2.  He has changed my life so much.

Because of him, I don't care what anyone thinks of me or my family.  As long as I know that God loves me and that my family is happy, then I am fine.  Joel and I sacrifice for our children every day.  We sacrifice going out to the movies, or going out for dinner.  We sacrifice a lot of fellowships and hanging out with the youth.  We can't be that Joel and Mari anymore who can just hang out with our friends.  We are parents.  We are on a new journey in our lives and we have moved on.

We married young, and had a child at a very young age, but that's what happens when you make decisions.  You sacrifice your childhood or your own young adulthood for your own children.  I feel like I'm 35 years old and I'm only 24.  Having children is hard.  Having kids is hard.  If you're not willing to give up your life for someone, then you're not ready to have a child.

I admit.  I miss when I could go watch movies, or just make random decisions to go to the park.  Or I miss when me and Joel could hang out, just the two of us.  But doing stuff like that is nearly impossible.  I am not just me.  I am Mari, Joel, Josiah and Mateo.  Every decision I make affects all 3 of them.

Being selfless.  It's what a family is and what a family is about.  Being Selfless.  Sacrifice.  Love.

I am not who I was and I don't want to go back.  I am a mother.  I am a wife.  I like who I am, and if that means losing things and people that I once had in my life, then I am fine with that.  God called me to be who I am now.  My ministry is my children.  I love them because Christ loved me, and I will teach them to love Christ because that, as a mother, is my duty.  Nothing else in this world matters to me than to have my children know and love the Jesus Christ that I know and love.  That is my calling.  This is what God wants for me.

This is life as I know it.  My family.  Nothing else matters.