I was going to originally write a blog about life as a busy mom, student, worker etc. but that's all old news. Apparently I'm old news because when I go to school everyone is younger than me and I realized that those younger than me have been raised in a different place than where I grew up. Through this I have learned to appreciate what I didn't appreciate when I was younger: my youth group, my youth pastor, and my sister, and my parents, and my cousins. Without these people in my life, I wouldn't be who I am today: Awesome sauce!! Haha, just kidding...about the conceited awesome sauce comment that is, and not the people.
I feel like this generation maybe doesn't have the youth group strictness, the older sister strictness, the older cousin and parents strictness. I feel like my generation in a way has given up on the whole role model aspect of our lives and we have left the younger generation to fend for themselves. We have the mentality that we made our mistakes and let them make theirs, but there is no guidance. This has been bothering me for quite some time because I have made many mistakes in my life, but really haven't tried to tell anyone younger than me how hard it is to deal with the consequences. I feel like if there is a way that I can stop anyone from making the same mistakes that I did then I wouldn't feel so bad, but because I didn't tell anyone then I feel guilty if someone does make the same mistakes I did. That's a very complicated sentence, as it is that complicated in my brain. My sister says that I'm paranoid crazy, I think that I feel guilty too much for everything bad that happens in the world........but then again, maybe I should feel guilty because here I am watching people do horrible things and what am I doing to stop it?
I feel like I'm not doing enough to contribute to the world of teenage girls with many insecurities who find themselves searching for fulfilment in the wrong things. I wish that I could be the older sister to someone like my sister was to me. I just want to feed the world, tuppins a bag (inside joke between my brain and I, we like to make Mary Poppins references once in a while to each other).
I would also like to learn how to ride a bike, for the main purpose of joining some sort of charity and riding in a marathon to raise money. I think that for the last couple of months I've been focusing on myself and my school work and my family that I feel like I'm not doing enough to contribute to the world and it's many insufficiencies (I don't even really know what that word means but it sounds like it fits, no?).
Also, I have realized that because I have been only focusing on me and my family, I haven't socialized with people who haven't yet adjusted to my oddities. By attempting to talk to people I don't really know, I have realized that my social awkwardness has increased by a thousand percent. It's grown so much so that I slowly start to hyperventilate as my husband and I drive up to a social event. Even after we left my nephew's birthday party I started to re-evaluate the conversations I had and became to feel embarrassed about what I said and wondered if what I was saying was rude or highly inappropriate and wonder if I offended anyone.
What was I writing about again?
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