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In no way did I write "hiatus" to display my pride of what I have done. I wrote the blog because I wanted people to know the true story from me and not from someone else. I am definitely not proud of the mistake that I have made. I am definitely not proud of all the pain and shame that I have caused my family. I am most definitely NOT proud of how much I have disappointed and hurt my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. I am very remorseful and VERY shameful for the mistake that I have made (as I said many times in my previous blog) and apologize wholeheartedly to those that I have hurt or disappointed, and mostly apologize to my family whose opinions matter most to me. I wrote the blog because I wanted those who knew me and loved me to understand how I felt, to understand the shame and guilt that I was feeling. I wanted people to know what was going on with me and I wanted people to understand that I am utterly sorry for what has happened.

I believe that every single child, every single baby is a gift from God and that for the rest of this situation I will trust wholly in God and feel blessed and thankful that I have family and most importantly God, to help me through every step of the way.

This is why I wrote the blog, so that people will understand my remorse, and guilt and shame. I wanted people to understand how this has drastically changed my life, but in every situation I always like to think of the positive, which is why in the beginning I said that this situation is for the better, because it is far more easy to see the negative, but with God, He helps me to see the positive side, and helps me to not dwell on the negative.

The only reason why I am the way I am now, the only reason why we (me and Joel) are handling this situation the way we are now is because God gives us strength every day of our lives to wake up and see the positive and good side of all situations. God helps us to see the blessings that He has given to us. If we did not have God, we would not see things in this situation. If we did not have God, we would be absolutely miserable. With God there is always hope and love, so why would we dwell on the negative when we have the Lord with us to help us see the positive.

I know with all my heart that God loves me and that God has forgiven me for the mistakes I have made, and I trust him with all that I am to take care of me, I trust Him to love me and I trust Him to be there for me through all situations. Above all, God Loves.