Beliefs

"I was out of balance as a kid with no guidance from adults helping me build accurate beliefs that would enable me to see life from God's viewpoint.  My early experiences led me to continuously seek pleasure, thrills, excitement, and fun.  These experiences dominated my mind, and I had no idea that the things I thought about all day and night would wind up settling into my heart as major, powerful beliefs.  Do you know what the world calls this pleasure-craving, thrill-seeking belief? Hedonism.  And I'm convinced that hedonism is the dominant belief that permeates our society.  I will explain in chapter 5 how I changed this belief, but suffice it to say for now that early experiences are one source of the beliefs we hold, often for the rest of our lives."  Gary Smalley - Change Your Heart, Change Your Life

I'm reading this book that the above excerpt was taken from.  It is an amazing book about how to change the way you think so that you can change your life.  I am only on the second chapter and I feel like this blog is essential.  This book is speaking to me in so many ways, and helping me grow in Christ.

This specific chapter was about our beliefs.  Where they came from.  Ask yourself really, what do you believe?  How do you react to situations?  What happens when life gets hard, what do you do?  Every single action you make is a reaction to what you believe.  The way we act is based on what we believe.  In the book, Gary Smalley gave an example of how his father when he was growing up had a really bad temper.  Gary hated the way his father treated them because he was always mad and yelling.  When Gary had his own children he vowed he would never become like his father, he told them "If I ever get out of control angry like my father did, let me know."  Long story short, when their family went on vacation Gary went all angry and out of control and his kids called him out on it and told him that he was acting like his father.  What's the point in me telling you this?  We are shaped by the way we grew up.  We can inherit bad beliefs, like Gary's anger and bad beliefs can come from our culture (like many women who get beaten by their husbands in Africa become accustomed to this treatment).

He then goes on to state that wrong beliefs are the source of all evils.  "What is the source of all this evil?  Did not Jesus tell us that evil actions come from the beliefs stored in a person's heart? (Matthew 15: 18-20)? It's true.  Everything anyone does is a reflection of what is in his or her heart.  These actions come from beliefs picked up early in life form experience, family or the culture and those beliefs produce the selfishness, violence, and greed we see rampant around us."

Our beliefs are real.  It is important to have the right beliefs stored in your heart.  And if right now you have the wrong beliefs, this book will help you change your heart and change your life.  I'm only on chapter 2.  I don't know how to change these beliefs, but Gary Smalley says that he's done it, that he's helped many people change their lives because of the steps he has taken to change the beliefs that they inherited.

Sometimes I think I'm worthless.  Sometimes I think that I'm not good enough to be a good mom to my children or that I have been a horrible wife.  I need to change my heart and change my life.  My value is in Heaven, that much I know.  And I know that God loves me and is carrying me through all of these difficult times.

If you feel like your life is going in the wrong direction, if you feel helpless and bound by your past, if you feel like you can't do anything to change your life, then read this book.  But you MUST be willing to actually WANT to change your life.  You can't change your life if you don't want to.

Peep and the big wide world

There's this show on TVO kids called peep and the big wide world (or something along those lines) about a baby bird who learns stuff about the world and gets lost and such. But peeps world is a little section in the forest and yet he still gets lost and gets into trouble.

For a while I think I've been stuck in my "big wide world."  I've been living in my own world getting lost in my own problems, worrying about me. Today I realized that my big wide world isnt as big as I thought it was.  I realized that however big I may think my problems are, other people have worse problems and I shouldn't be so self absorbed in my own world.

Whenever you think you are having a bad day, week or month, try and remember that the person sitting next to you in class may have just lost her mother. The customer you are serving may have just been diagnosed with terminal cancer or the person walking in front of you may have attempted suicide the night before. If you feel like you are suffering from the biggest problem that you have ever faced then pray. But don't pray for yourself, pray for those who may be suffering from a bigger issue than yours. Pray for those who don't have family or friends. Pray for someone other than yourself and you will be put into perspective.

This is a big world. Try and remember that you are not the only one living in it. Everyone has their issues and messed up lives. It's not just you. Talk to people. Make friends and be loving to those who may not feel loved. In your mind it may be your world but there are still millions of people living in it. Put yourself into perspective.

Love when you can love. Help where you can help. If you feel like you're drowning in your own problems, then serve where you can serve.

It is a big wide world with lots of people in it that need you. Be selfless. Your issue becomes smaller when you realize that other people have bigger issues than you.

Love never fails

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 

How many of us say "I love you" and not really understand what real love is. Love is exactly what if is in the bible. Love is a sacrifice. It is being able to give up your life for someone else eve though they may not deserve it. Love is being able to put others first. To serve others despite what they do to you or what they think of you. If you love someone, you would do anything for their happiness. 

What am I basing this on? On Jesus' love for me. For us. We are to live like he lived. Love like he loved. Jesus set the example. He loves us even though we ridiculed and mocked him and turned our faces against him. He loves us even though we persecute him and hide ourselves from him. He loves us even though we ignore the ultimate sacrifice he made for us. He loves us even though we live for ourselves everyday. He died so that we can have eternal life. That's real love. That's what true love is. 

When you tell someone you love them, do you mean that you are willing to give your life for them, do anything for them so that they can live? So that they can be happy? Do you love with a sacrificial love? 

I can say I love you because now, only now do I understand what love is. Only now do I realize how much love I have in my heart. 

I love you. You are my forever. Love never fails. 

Love. Ain't it kinda funny

Love changes. It goes through cycles. For those of us who are married understand what I'm talking about. There's the love we feel when we first meet someone. It's the initial attraction, the whole wooing process. That's the lovey dovey cheese balls kind of love.

Then, post wooing there's the dating love. Where you learn about each others likes and dislikes and realize that you either have almost nothing in common or everything in common. This is where the real love starts to grow because you learn more about a person.

Then post dating love, there's that point in the relationship where you get comfortable. You slowly learn that you can't stop thinking about this person. You can't breathe without them. You just want to be near them all the time.

Then, you spend too much time together and you begin to get annoyed with all the little things he does and you start to wonder is he the right guy?  Then you start to compare yourself to other couples who are still in the wooing phase and you're wondering why he doesn't do that anymore. You realize you want more. This is where the relationship starts to get all rocky. You start fighting without telling him the real reason why you're mad. You start bickering about little things without arguing about te actual problem. This is what I like to call te fighting phase. You start to learn more about your partner in this phase. You learn how strong your love is for this person. You start to learn how to fight, how to endure the pain. You learn how much you really love each other because you get through this phase. Some couples don't. Some fail to see the bigger picture. Some don't learn what the real issues are. And some couples don't bother to communicate properly. This is a test of your love for each other. If you surpass this phase then good job. Your love for him will change.

Post fighting phase comes the awesome settling phase. You know each other. You know how to fight, you know that you love each other. You know now that this is the guy for you because he stayed with you throughout the whole emotional trauma and emo diva days. You know you want to be with him for the rest of your life. Finally, after a gazillion years of dating, he proposes. You say I do.  You plan the wedding with a lot of fights about money and how to spend it and what to waste it on. But these fights are loving fights because you are planning your future together.

Then, post wedding. The cycle begins all over again. Believe it or not. You experience first year marriage bliss. Like the wooing then there's the dating then the obsession where you want to be with him all the time. Then the fighting and then the calm after the storm. This cycle happens over and over again. The problem is, how much do you love this person? Do you love them enough to appreciate the cycles and stay and learn about each other and grow with each other? Or do you not even love them enough to stay.

Love. It's a funny word. Everybody can say it. But who actually means it?

My Teo

I was cranky.  I was fat.  My stomach was super heavy and I was frustrated with my waddling walk.  I wanted to not be pregnant anymore.........or ever.  I hated not knowing when he was coming.  Yes, there was a due date, but those are not so accurate nowadays.  How many people have actually delivered on their due date?! I know I haven't.  I'm a business person.  I need to plan.  I need to know what is going to happen and when.  The anticipation was eating me alive.

On the morning of January 18th I told Joel I had had enough.  I was feeling some sort of funky movings on in my stomach and I told him, 'Let's just go to the hospital.'  I had to be there at least 2 hours before I went into labour apparently because I had to complete an anti-biotic treatment.  This made things even worse.  I wasn't really allowed to go too far into labour without this treatment.  So, we went.  The nurse said that I was like, 2 cm dilated or something like that.  She wouldn't do the treatment, so she gave me the option of going home and coming back.  I told myself, 'I am having this baby today, no more waiting!'  So I told her we're staying.  Of course this is after some consultation with Joel, who's answer was always, 'It's up to you.' Which, when speaking to a cranky pregnant woman, is ALWAYS the right answer.

So we stayed.  I walked around to try and get this baby out.  After a couple of hours she said I was 4cm.  I was like, OK I want to go home, but I think Joel said we may as well stay.  I'm not sure how this exact story went.  It's been 2 years and I still have baby brain.  But it is along these lines.  Anyways, we stayed at the hospital, I kept walking, and then eventually I got my antibiotics, and after that they decided to induce me, I think.  I may be confusing this story with Josiah's.  Whatever.  Anyways, we basically got to the hospital kind of early, maybe 10:30am?  That's when this whole fiasco started.  By now, it's probably around 6 or 7pm.  So I started inducement........treatments?  I don't know proper lingo, I'm not a nurse.  So they induced me.  All this time Joel is being very patient.  He stayed with me throughout the whole process.  Amazing.

Long story short, post epidural, 20 minutes of pushing, Mateo was out.  It was 11:58am.  I was exhausted.  I was at the hospital for over 12 hours.  I was cranky, I was stressed, and the nurse asks, 'Would you like to hold him?'  I said no. I was tired and exhausted and they put the epidural too high, and I was mad at the doctor for coming too late, and I was frustrated for being in the hospital too long.  I didn't want to hold my baby.  She gave him to Joel.  I saw Joel holding him with tears in his eyes.  After I saw the joy in his face I knew that I wanted to share that joy with him.  In other words, give me my baby!  When I held Mateo for the first time, and Joel had his arms around me, we were happily staring at our second baby boy.

The next day, my parents brought Josiah to the hospital room.  Josiah didn't want to see Mateo either.  He didn't want to go near us.  I got a little sad, but I had to be understanding.  Josiah was still one, turning 2 the next month.  He was scared of the hospital and did not understand the situation.  But I had my 2 boys and my husband by my side.  That was one of the happiest moments of my life.  Realizing that I had an amazing family and I had accomplished so much at such a young age.

I am proud of who I am.  I am proud of who God made me to be.  I am proud of my sons, and I am proud of Joel.  We have gone through a lot in life, but God has been carrying us through all the trials.  We have two happy children and our own apartment and jobs that pay us enough to get by.

Mateo is a joy to our family.  He is officially 2 today.  Because he was born so close to January 19, sometimes I get confused of when his birthday actually is.  I'm pretty sure it's today.  Mateo is a happy boy, he is very energetic, very loving, almost always smiling, and has random spurts of crying which end up in smiling after 2 seconds.  He is very determined.  If he wants something, he will get it.  He is very curious and very daring.  He has guts.  He is exactly like his father.  He always makes people smile and laugh.  He is a joy in my life.

I love Mateo.  I thought it would be hard to find enough love to love my second child after I had Josiah.  I could not understand how I could have two children and love them both.  But I do.  It is possible!!

I thank God for Mateo and I wish him the happiest of lives.  I also pray that his allergies to ALL dairy foods, nuts and just everything in general will go away.

Free Will

Freewill.  It's a funny word.  God gave us free will.  He gave us the choice to choose Him or to not choose Him.  What happens when we don't?  Have you ever read the story of the prodigal son?  The story goes like this, or at least the version in my head goes like this.  

There's this guy, he has the most amazing and loving father.  He has everything, the father loves him and provides for him.  Then this guy says to his dad, hey dad, can you give me my share of my inheritance after you die?  I want it now.  So the dad says, okay fine, and gives his son that he loves oh so much all the money that he is entitled.  The son then leaves his amazing and good life and squanders all his money on "living it up."  He thinks he's having a good time, he makes his own choices, is by himself, and thinks that he's having the time of his life.  Then he runs out of money, has to work for more, and ends up eating in a pig sty with the pigs.  The guy realizes that he had it all when he was with his father.  He realizes his father loved him so much and he feels bad for treating his father so bad.  So the son walks the walk of shame and humbles himself and comes home to his father who, instead of being all mad, welcomes him with loving arms.  

That's the jist of the story.  I left out a lot about how the guy has a brother who stays with the father and stuff.  But you read it yourself. The Prodigal Son (NLT)

In case no one understood this story, you are the prodigal son, and the loving father is God.  Sometimes we make mistakes.  Sometimes we choose to stray from God and His will and what he wants in our life.  We have to be able to humble ourselves before the Lord, admit our mistakes and submit to His will for our lives. God gave us free will.  We can either choose God, or choose ourselves.  Choosing ourselves will lead to eating with the pigs, choosing God leads to eternal life.

If Jesus comes back to take all his followers to Heaven, ask yourself today, right now, are you playing the prodigal son?  Are you submitting to God's will or are you following your own selfish wants or needs.  How are you going to explain to God what your actions are and why you chose yourself over him?  How?

Every morning pray that you will do God's will in the following day.  Every morning ask for God's strength and reminders of God's love.  If you choose God, the rest of your life will fall into place.  If you choose yourself, the rest of your life will crumble.  Like my sister says, it all begins and ends with God.  Choose God.  And don't think you have all the time in the world to do so, because you don't.