Life is Never too Hard

Well, this week I started my new job.  It's AMAZING!!! I really like it.  Everyone is about my age and friendly.  They have lunch every Friday and it's a wonderful work environment.  I am hoping to do well and be able to keep this job for a while. 

Unfortunately, I just realized that EI deducts dollar for dollar if I earn more than 25% of my mat leave earnings, which is $124.  So there's basically no reason for me working. Woo.  I also just called the Region of Peel and asked for the status of my subsidy and when I would be getting it.  She said probably 2013, the waiting list is just growing and there is no funding and hasn't been funding since August 2010.  So, they're at a stand still.  That also sucks for me because I can't afford childcare and I'm going to school in January.

Right now I feel like I'm walking around with a blindfold over my eyes.  We have no plan, no money and just, nothing to work with.  Joel and I have to make decisions based on what's best for our children, but we can't make decisions because we don't know how we're going to go on.  We're working with nothing right now, as in no money.  Even if I were to work full time I would still have to find a daycare for both children.  If I went to school and worked part time, I would still have to find a daycare for both children.  No matter what, we need someone to watch the kids starting January.

So, Joel and I are going to continue doing what we've been doing.  Have faith that God will take care of us and that He will give us some sort of direction in what we're supposed to do and where the kids are going to go.  Something will come up.  It's just hard to walk around blindly not knowing what's going to happen in the next few months.  I like a plan.  I like to know and when I know I feel safe that I know what's going to happen.  I feel like God is training me to trust in Him more and to rely on Him to make decisions for us.  It's hard, but life is never too hard because God doesn't put us through what we can't handle.  So I'm going to try and calm my nerves and stress and trust that God knows what will happen and where my family will go from here.  To truly put all of our lives in His hands is what we need to learn, and in a crazy sort of way I'm glad that we're going through this because at least we are reminded of who really is in control of our lives. 

Holidays

Holidays.  I used to love them as a kid.  I want my kids to love them too.  I want my kids to have the same traditions that I had when I was a kid.  Holidays were always family oriented.  We would stay with my cousins and play games and such and I want Joba and Teo to play with their cousins too.  I want them to enjoy holidays.  But today, this thanksgiving, was very hard for me.  It was the first thanksgiving without my sister and I never ended a holiday so down.  I don't know why.  But I feel so down right now.  Maybe it's the random "you got very wide" comments and everyone laughing, or the making fun of Josiah's habits that got me a little bothered but I think that if my super sister were there she would make everything okay.  Or maybe I'm just a little over sensitive about everything because I have had very little sleep in the last week because Mateo's teething.  Today was a miserable holiday and I feel down.

Either way, it is a day to give thanks, so I do give thanks to God for my wonderful hubs who always tries to save me from my self pity hole.  I am thankful for my beautiful children who look at me with such wonderful smiles of love and trust.  I am thankful for having a roof over my head and I am thankful for being able to just about afford the roof and the food that we made today.

I say this a lot but life is hard and it is definitely not predictable.  Bad days happen.  Bad holidays will come.  I believe that if life were easy and things always went our way then we would never grow as people.  The way that bad days are handled helps build character.  That doesn't make sense.  Let me explain to no one, but if someone does ever read my blogs, let me explain my nonsense.  If you were at the grocery store and some guy shoved you and made you drop your groceries, how you handle it represents your character and who you are as a person.  So if it happened one time and you yelled at the person only to realize that he was walking with a broken leg and didn't actually mean to push you, and you felt bad for yelling at him, the next time it happens you know not to get so mad so fast and you know to assess the situation before jumping to anger.  Hence, the growth of character.  See? See?  So, bad days happen, bad holidays come, but the next time I get called "wide" or someone makes fun of joba, I know what to do, what to say or what not to say and I'll just exercise more until next holiday comes.  Then they can comment on my non-wide-ness, or sliminity?