Well, I think it's safe to say that life for Joel and I has drastically changed. We are no longer single, and we no longer can think for ourselves. Whenever we have to make plans, we actually have to plan for the kids. We have to plan around their nap times or their bed times. Life isn't about us anymore, it is about them.
In church on Sunday, the speaker was speaking about mothers and how they cannot be selfish. Motherhood is about sacrifice, and not just motherhood, but parenting and having kids is about losing yourself in them. As parents we have to sacrifice the lives that we have and make every decision based on what would be good for the kids.
For Joel and I, I think that this was a hard process to understand. Not being selfish, but being selfless. When we had Josiah, it was easy, because he was a newborn. He would sleep all the time, had no schedule. He would eat when he was hungry and go to bed when he was sleepy. All we had to do was take all the bottles and food with us, and we were like his home on wheels (or feet rather). So, life, in that sense, hadn't changed much. We were still able to go out, eat out, hang out, whenever and wherever we wanted. We were the same Joel and Mari, but with a little munchkin.
As Josiah gets older, we slowly have to learn how to sacrifice for him. As much as we want to go out, we have to see what will be easy for him. If we go out too late, he will be cranky and tantrum and cause a whole scene in the restaurant, at someone's house, just everywhere. If he doesn't have his nap, he will be tantrummy, if he doesn't eat on time, tantrum. We have to make sure that he is always on schedule, because if he isn't then he will be so cranky. So now, every time we go out, we have to go out according to Josiah's schedule or mayhem breaks loose.
So when everyone is at the park playing on a nice and sunny day, or staying out late at a friend's house, we have to be home by 8:00 so that Josiah can eat dinner and go to bed on time. In the afternoon's we have to go home by 1:00 or 2:00pm because that's Josiah's nap time and if he doesn't get that then he will be cranky.
Parenting is about sacrifice. You have to change your perspective on life. It's no longer about you, it's about your children. On Supernanny, she said that children rely on a schedule because if there is no schedule then there is no control. She was right. If we are off schedule with Josiah, then he is out of control. What I care most about in life, is that my children are okay, that they are in control and that they are happy.
Josiah hates crowds. He hates when people crowd around him. He hates the mall, he hates when he is out of his comfort zone. So, me and Joel can't be in big crowds and we can't go to the mall when it's busy. Eventually he will grow out of it, but why torture him with the things that he fears.
Josiah is an amazing kid. He has experienced a lot of things in life that many have not experienced. Everyday he wakes up happy and smiling. When he goes to bed he tells us that he loves us and says good night. There is never any whining or crying. We tell him to do something and he will do it. There are the occasional tantrums and such, but all in all, he is happy. He plays, he smiles, he loves and he cares for everyone around him. And he's only 2. He has changed my life so much.
Because of him, I don't care what anyone thinks of me or my family. As long as I know that God loves me and that my family is happy, then I am fine. Joel and I sacrifice for our children every day. We sacrifice going out to the movies, or going out for dinner. We sacrifice a lot of fellowships and hanging out with the youth. We can't be that Joel and Mari anymore who can just hang out with our friends. We are parents. We are on a new journey in our lives and we have moved on.
We married young, and had a child at a very young age, but that's what happens when you make decisions. You sacrifice your childhood or your own young adulthood for your own children. I feel like I'm 35 years old and I'm only 24. Having children is hard. Having kids is hard. If you're not willing to give up your life for someone, then you're not ready to have a child.
I admit. I miss when I could go watch movies, or just make random decisions to go to the park. Or I miss when me and Joel could hang out, just the two of us. But doing stuff like that is nearly impossible. I am not just me. I am Mari, Joel, Josiah and Mateo. Every decision I make affects all 3 of them.
Being selfless. It's what a family is and what a family is about. Being Selfless. Sacrifice. Love.
I am not who I was and I don't want to go back. I am a mother. I am a wife. I like who I am, and if that means losing things and people that I once had in my life, then I am fine with that. God called me to be who I am now. My ministry is my children. I love them because Christ loved me, and I will teach them to love Christ because that, as a mother, is my duty. Nothing else in this world matters to me than to have my children know and love the Jesus Christ that I know and love. That is my calling. This is what God wants for me.
This is life as I know it. My family. Nothing else matters.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Wait! Just Wait....
I feel like God has been constantly telling me something all weekend. He keeps telling me to wait. For what? I know not. But I have to wait.
Yesterday my family (husband and kids) went for a walk in the park. It was a loooonnggg walk. It was a sort of one way walk. We were wondering as we were walking how far we could go, I had to remind him that we still had to walk back, so as far as we walk straight, double that, because we'd have to turn around and walk back to the car, make sense? Anyway, for those Mississaugans, we walked from Burnhamthorpe to Dundas, and then had to go back. On the way back Josiah woke up from his nap and constantly wanted uppy or would run and stop and look at rocks and want to play in the mud or play on the slant that the bridge has. He would run up and down and up and down the bridge. Bikers would go around him, people would smile at him, he was having fun. Me and Joel were not. We were tired, we just wanted to go to the car. I kept reminding Joel that we went to the park for Josiah anyway so he could have some fresh air, but after 30 minutes of standing by the bridge waiting for Josiah to tire out, we picked him up and left. On our way back Josiah had at least 5 tantrums and Joel had to carry him over half the way back to the car. It was tiring, it was stressful and it was tiring.
We were 2 minutes away from the car, and when you see your destination you have this sudden spurt of energy to just go go go. I wasn't that tired, but I wasn't the one carrying Josiah. Joel, on the other had, said his legs were burning and he just wanted to sit. We reached a huge puddle in the middle of the pathway, but there were also two little paths on either side that led around the puddle. As we were approaching it, there were two other ladies crossing on one side (a smooth, wide, and flat path) and I saw that the path on the other side was all bumpy with tree roots, was more narrow and was on a slight incline. I was pushing Mateo in the stroller and Josiah's stroller was also attached to Mateo's, so me, being a little more patient and a lot less tired than Joel, decided to wait for the two ladies to pass on the other side, instead of going over all the bumpy tree roots and falling in the puddle. Joel, unfortunately, is much less patient, and was more tired than me, he decided to pull the stroller through the bumpiness of the tree roots.
It was what I would say an epic fail. The whole time I was screaming "Wait! Just Wait!" and he was pulling me and the strollers through the inclined and bumpy and much more narrower path. What else would happen.......I tripped on a tree root, my foot slid in the mud and the strollers upturned. If Mateo wasn't buckled in, he would have face planted. My children, they sleep like logs. We put the stroller back upright, and Mateo went back to sleep (what a guy). Anyway, I wasn't mad at all. I knew Joel was tired and just wanted to go back to the car, but during that whole trek through the narrow and bumpy path I was screaming "Wait, wait, wait!" but he wasn't listening and was determined to go forward. Had we waited 5 more seconds, I could have went on the smooth path that the ladies were walking on and we would have gotten across the puddle much faster than rushing through the other bumpy way. I know Joel felt bad for literally dragging me through the mud (and I have a boo boo on my finger) and I'm pretty sure he learned his lesson (when I say wait, he should WAIT). And surprisingly, I wasn't mad at all. The important thing was that the kids were both fine and at the end of the day, that's what really matters (in my mind).
What did I learn? I learned that sometimes, it is better to wait. Actually, a lot of the time it is better to wait. There were two paths, one wide, one narrow. one bumpy, one smooth. One was on a bit of a slant and the other was flat. Sometimes we are in such a rush that we don't bother to see both paths, we take the first convenient path in life and we fall. This is a lesson that I constantly learn and constantly have to teach my children and husband. Good things come to those who wait.
Josiah, who is now in his terrible twos, has inherited his dad's patience, or lack of. When he's hungry he'll say "banana" or "apple" and both need to be peeled or cut. So when he asks for it, I get it and I start to cut or peel it. Josiah can't wait for that. He decides to go on the floor, scream and cry and kick, and then go in time out for 10 minutes until he stops crying, and then he will get the food. Essentially, if he just waited 2 minutes, he would get what he asked for, but instead he chooses to wait 15. He saw the food, he wanted it. How is he going to eat an unpeeled banana? Even gorillas peel their bananas!
We don't get everything we want right away, and that's what most of the world needs to learn. Impatient people who don't have money, rob the bank, or go into debt maxing out credit cards. Why go broke when you could just wait, earn the money, save the money and then go buy what you need. Life is a waiting game and a lot of people lose.
A plant takes time to grow, babies take time to grow. Why are we fast forwarding life? Enjoy the now, and trust God with the future. Wait for God to make His plans for you. Wait for Him to show you what He wants you to do in life. Don't rush anything.
I was looking up verses on "waiting" in the Bible and I came across this Bible Study about patience and waiting.
http://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/articles/theology/081112.html?start=1
It's called "The Secret of Waiting" and it gives reasons on why we should wait and how we should wait on God.
"Waiting on God may be the most difficult of all the spiritual disciplines, and perhaps that's the reason so few truly practice it. Just sitting in his presence and gazing … it can be agonizing to us who have become accustomed to being bombarded with data and stimuli. We lack the attention span to wait on God. But he knows that, so in his kindness he designs scenarios that will help us learn how to wait on him. Once we press through and cross the boredom threshold, we open to the joys and adventures of waiting on God."
I think that this is difficult for today's generation because of all the technology around us. It is agonizing to wait, for anything! I pray, that for myself and my family, we all learn the power or patience in all things we do.
Yesterday my family (husband and kids) went for a walk in the park. It was a loooonnggg walk. It was a sort of one way walk. We were wondering as we were walking how far we could go, I had to remind him that we still had to walk back, so as far as we walk straight, double that, because we'd have to turn around and walk back to the car, make sense? Anyway, for those Mississaugans, we walked from Burnhamthorpe to Dundas, and then had to go back. On the way back Josiah woke up from his nap and constantly wanted uppy or would run and stop and look at rocks and want to play in the mud or play on the slant that the bridge has. He would run up and down and up and down the bridge. Bikers would go around him, people would smile at him, he was having fun. Me and Joel were not. We were tired, we just wanted to go to the car. I kept reminding Joel that we went to the park for Josiah anyway so he could have some fresh air, but after 30 minutes of standing by the bridge waiting for Josiah to tire out, we picked him up and left. On our way back Josiah had at least 5 tantrums and Joel had to carry him over half the way back to the car. It was tiring, it was stressful and it was tiring.
We were 2 minutes away from the car, and when you see your destination you have this sudden spurt of energy to just go go go. I wasn't that tired, but I wasn't the one carrying Josiah. Joel, on the other had, said his legs were burning and he just wanted to sit. We reached a huge puddle in the middle of the pathway, but there were also two little paths on either side that led around the puddle. As we were approaching it, there were two other ladies crossing on one side (a smooth, wide, and flat path) and I saw that the path on the other side was all bumpy with tree roots, was more narrow and was on a slight incline. I was pushing Mateo in the stroller and Josiah's stroller was also attached to Mateo's, so me, being a little more patient and a lot less tired than Joel, decided to wait for the two ladies to pass on the other side, instead of going over all the bumpy tree roots and falling in the puddle. Joel, unfortunately, is much less patient, and was more tired than me, he decided to pull the stroller through the bumpiness of the tree roots.
It was what I would say an epic fail. The whole time I was screaming "Wait! Just Wait!" and he was pulling me and the strollers through the inclined and bumpy and much more narrower path. What else would happen.......I tripped on a tree root, my foot slid in the mud and the strollers upturned. If Mateo wasn't buckled in, he would have face planted. My children, they sleep like logs. We put the stroller back upright, and Mateo went back to sleep (what a guy). Anyway, I wasn't mad at all. I knew Joel was tired and just wanted to go back to the car, but during that whole trek through the narrow and bumpy path I was screaming "Wait, wait, wait!" but he wasn't listening and was determined to go forward. Had we waited 5 more seconds, I could have went on the smooth path that the ladies were walking on and we would have gotten across the puddle much faster than rushing through the other bumpy way. I know Joel felt bad for literally dragging me through the mud (and I have a boo boo on my finger) and I'm pretty sure he learned his lesson (when I say wait, he should WAIT). And surprisingly, I wasn't mad at all. The important thing was that the kids were both fine and at the end of the day, that's what really matters (in my mind).
What did I learn? I learned that sometimes, it is better to wait. Actually, a lot of the time it is better to wait. There were two paths, one wide, one narrow. one bumpy, one smooth. One was on a bit of a slant and the other was flat. Sometimes we are in such a rush that we don't bother to see both paths, we take the first convenient path in life and we fall. This is a lesson that I constantly learn and constantly have to teach my children and husband. Good things come to those who wait.
Josiah, who is now in his terrible twos, has inherited his dad's patience, or lack of. When he's hungry he'll say "banana" or "apple" and both need to be peeled or cut. So when he asks for it, I get it and I start to cut or peel it. Josiah can't wait for that. He decides to go on the floor, scream and cry and kick, and then go in time out for 10 minutes until he stops crying, and then he will get the food. Essentially, if he just waited 2 minutes, he would get what he asked for, but instead he chooses to wait 15. He saw the food, he wanted it. How is he going to eat an unpeeled banana? Even gorillas peel their bananas!
We don't get everything we want right away, and that's what most of the world needs to learn. Impatient people who don't have money, rob the bank, or go into debt maxing out credit cards. Why go broke when you could just wait, earn the money, save the money and then go buy what you need. Life is a waiting game and a lot of people lose.
A plant takes time to grow, babies take time to grow. Why are we fast forwarding life? Enjoy the now, and trust God with the future. Wait for God to make His plans for you. Wait for Him to show you what He wants you to do in life. Don't rush anything.
I was looking up verses on "waiting" in the Bible and I came across this Bible Study about patience and waiting.
http://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/articles/theology/081112.html?start=1
It's called "The Secret of Waiting" and it gives reasons on why we should wait and how we should wait on God.
"Waiting on God may be the most difficult of all the spiritual disciplines, and perhaps that's the reason so few truly practice it. Just sitting in his presence and gazing … it can be agonizing to us who have become accustomed to being bombarded with data and stimuli. We lack the attention span to wait on God. But he knows that, so in his kindness he designs scenarios that will help us learn how to wait on him. Once we press through and cross the boredom threshold, we open to the joys and adventures of waiting on God."
I think that this is difficult for today's generation because of all the technology around us. It is agonizing to wait, for anything! I pray, that for myself and my family, we all learn the power or patience in all things we do.
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