Why? Why is it that some relationships can last years and years and some only a couple of weeks. Why do some people break up and make up a million times over and over again. How do people stay together? It's easy to get together but how do you stay together?
I know I've only been in a relationship for like.........almost 4 years now, but me and my now husband, work things out great. Yeah, we fight, a lot, but we always somehow manage to stay together (in spite of my random "I want to break up with yous"). Whilst in the shower I have come up with some dating pointers that helped me and my husband.
In no particular order:
Tip #1: Live separate lives
I know that sounds stupid because you know, you're a couple, but a couple contains of two separate people. Both of you had different lives before you met each other. Don't forget that. You have your friends and he has his. Don't leave your friends and always hang out with him. The cliche "Boys come and go, but best friends last a life time" is totally true. Make sure you spend time with your best friends (preferably girlfriends for girls and boyfriends for boys - ha). Spend time apart from your boyfriend. Because you are a couple does NOT mean he is your entire life. Make time for your friends, your family.
What happens when you don't? You lose your friends. You feel as if you have no one else left except your boyfriend and no one else to turn to when you guys are in a fight. No one to talk to when things go wrong. What happens if he starts to beat you? You have no one left to confide in. You'll feel all alone and feel as if he's the only one there for you. You think that he's the only one that can understand you.
Truth be told, he's not. You had friends and though you may have already began to push them away, they're still there and they all still love you. So don't be afraid to talk to them. Don't be afraid to start living a separate life other than the one you have with your boyfriend.
Talk to your old girlfriends, set up a get together or a girls night out. It may feel weird because you haven't hung out with them in a while, but it will take time. You pushed them away, so things aren't going to go right back to the way they were. You have to re-establish the relationship you had with your girlfriends. It may take, one, two, or even ten dinners, but once you all are open and honest with each other, then the fun will begin.
Don't be shy to talk about your boyfriend because that's most definitely what girls love to do. If you aren't able to talk about your boyfriend with your girlfriends then you're hiding a major part of your life from them. These are your best friends, they'll understand and love you no matter what.
Time away from each other helps you to remember who you are as an individual. You are able to keep your own mind, make your own decisions.
Tip # 2: Get to know your boyfriends/girlfriends friends
Once you establish yourself as a separate person with a separate life with separate friends, you can get to know his friends. That way you are still a part of his separate life and you are more secure as to who he is as a person. Don't hang out with him and his friends ALL the time, still let him have his own life with his own fun. That way you're still a part of each others lives.
What happens when you don't? You may grow doubt and become insecure as to who he is hanging out with. He may not feel comfortable talking to you about that part of his life because you don't know who he's talking about. You can have conversations with each other about what you did with your friends, but if you don't know each others friends, then you guys won't be interested in what the other is saying and it causes a wall in communication. Communication is important.
Tip # 3: Create rules
I know, it sounds funny. You're not in school, so why the rules. Well, it establishes boundaries that you guys can agree with so that any jealousy or mistrust does not occur. For example, don't be in a room alone with a girl behind closed doors. For obvious reasons, it makes me feel uncomfortable, it looks bad, and there should be no reasons for him to be alone with a girl. This rule avoids fights and doubt. Or, more simply, call when you're going to be late. For guys this is hard, I have NO idea why.
Sit down together and talk about what makes each other comfortable and uncomfortable, and then create a set of rules to avoid any future fights. It's pointless fighting about the same thing, so why not create certain rules. For instance, fighting rules. i.e don't walk away in the middle of a fight, don't hang up in the middle of a fight, resolve the fight before going to bed. Stuff like that. That way you don't leave angry and the fight does not go on for days and days.
What happens when you don't? You'll end up fighting about the exact same thing, over and over and over and over again. You're fights will just get longer and longer, and more pointless, and you forget what's important in the relationship and why you got together in the first place. Without rules comes the constant break up and make ups.
Creating rules works and also stimulates communication, which again, is important. You guys will be able to understand why you had the little fights and then be able to fix it.
Rule # 4: Accept each other
Every girl pictures their perfect guy. Someone who's always on time, with big muscles and black hair with a pointy nose and blah blah blah. Every guy has their flaws and it's important to accept them for who they are and not try to change them to who you want them to be.
What happens if you don't? You'll end up believing you're dating you're "dream" boy and then eventually wake up to reality to realize that you're dating someone who is just not for you. You can't change a person, and even though you may try and it seems as if he's changing, then you're changing him into someone that's not really him.
When you open you're eyes and see a person for their personality instead of their looks, then everything else won't matter. How messy they are, the 30 minutes you have to wait in a parked car outside for them to get ready, the unanswered phone calls, the late nights playing dota............it all won't matter because you know who he is as a person and you're not dating someone fake, but someone ultimately real. You end up loving him for all that he is.
Rule #5: God First
This is the last rule I'm writing, but really, it should be the first thing you think of when you're dating a guy. Did God create him for me?
Always pray pray pray when you meet a guy and make sure he is on the right page in his Christian life, and make sure YOU are on your right page in your Christian life. If so, then everything will go smoothly, with lots of prayer and commitment. Always listen to what God is telling you. Never forget your walk with the Lord because that above all, is the most important thing.
If you feel like your walk with God has not been improving or is in a standstill while you are with your boyfriend, then tell him that you need some time to focus on God and he should understand. If he does not want to wait for you then let him go, if it was truly meant to be then he will come back when you and God are back on track.
What happens when you don't? Simple. It won't work out and you'll have to live through a whole lot of pain and heart brokenness.
So, these are probably my top 5 rules for dating, aside from the usual - Trust - Honesty - Communication.
And the general - Be yourself, don't act like someone you're not when you're with your boyfriend. Let him love you for who you are, and if he doesn't like you for who you are then you're with the wrong person. If you have to pretend to be someone you're not or hide a part of your life from him because you're afraid he won't like you, then you're with the wrong person. Be 100% honest with him, flaws and all.
Finally - Learn to like the things he likes - or at least understand it.....for instance, if he likes basketball, be familiar with the game, so at least you guys can watch it together.
Trust me, I'm no pro at dating or anything, but I've learned from my mistakes and I like to share. All of the above worked for me, so let me know if it works for you.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Nothing Else Matters.
Life has taken a new perspective. Before I was married and had my Josi, I was always so focused on who liked me, who didn't like me, who was mad at me, and who wasn't mad at me. But now, all I care about and all I worry about is my family. I have come to the realization that I have to let go of the person that I was and grow into the person that my family needs me to be. I am no longer a teenager who worries about not being invited to that birthday party, or having the popular girls in school be mad at me. I don't stress over not having the coolest clothes and how that cute boy isn't talking to me anymore. I now worry about what to feed my husband for lunch, if we'll have enough money to pay the bills. I worry about my husband and if he will make it home from work okay, if my son is going to get through heart surgery. Throughout life God puts us through trials, both great and small, to help us realize and/or grow into our true potential and become the person he created us to be.
I always used to be so self conscious and worried about who liked me and who didn't like me. If someone was mad at me I would spend all waking hours of the day worrying about what I could have possibly done to cause the anger and what I could possibly do to fix it. I had the constant need to feel loved and be liked and to be on everyone's good side. Of course, this is nearly impossible. Someone will always have something bad to say about you. It's not entirely possible to please everyone, but I always tried. I wanted the most friends, I wanted to be invited to all the fun stuff.
I wanted to be the center of attention. I wanted everyone to laugh at me and love me, and turn to me for advice and talk to me about their problems. I felt good and more important when people would ask me for help. Being the center of attention, I would always be in the know, I would know the haps. lol. Translation: I would know all of the latest gossip and the latest news.
At some point in your lives folks, all of this stuff will be taken away from you. What is your true motive for being the most popular? Ask yourself honestly, what happens if all of your friends are taken away? What if you don't know anything that is going on with anyone? What happens if all of your money is taken away from you? What happens if you don't have that fancy car, those hip new clothes? Will your friends still be there? Even if they're not, will you be okay? If that answer is no, then rethink your life and change your motives.
Imagine being alone, absolutely alone, with no means of communication with anyone. Just you and your hole. Stuck. Would you be okay?
When I had Josi, at first, I was okay. I was so focused on being a mom, I didn't realize how much I was missing. Then I would slowly feel the need to go out. I would travel facebook and realize how much I was missing. The weather starts getting nice, and I haven't been out in a week. I was in a hole and I started to get sad because I didn't feel included in things. I didn't see or talk to my friends as often. I wasn't in the "haps" and didn't know what was going on.........with anyone. I started to get sad. It was then that I realized that I'm not a child anymore. I can't go out. I need to save money to pay bills. I can't go out. I need to cook lunch. I can't go out. I need to take care of my child. I can't go out. Slowly, I started getting sad because I wanted to go out, I wanted to go watch a movie, I wanted to take my best friend out for her birthday.
I got sad when no one visited me for an entire week. I always look forward to visits because I hear news, I see new faces other than my family. But no one came and I got sad, and more sad, and more sad.
Then I asked myself, why am I sad? I see the love of my life everyday, and our child everyday. I have food, clothing and shelter. I don't have to work (just have to wake up every 2 hours). I have God on my side and I can talk to Him anytime I want to. Everything I need is within a reach and a prayer away. Slowly, I became contented with being in my hole. Because I have my jubie and my buzz and most importantly, my online bible with me. What more do I need?
As much as I love my ghetto fabulous friends, I don't NEED them. As much as I love my ghetto fabulous new clothes, I don't NEED them. As much as I love being in the haps, and knowing all the knows, I don't NEED to. I don't need to be the most popular, or be the coolest or be the most loved. I don't need to be the center of attention and I don't need to feel needed.
I am fully content with just me and my Lord and Saviour.
Nothing Else Matters.
I always used to be so self conscious and worried about who liked me and who didn't like me. If someone was mad at me I would spend all waking hours of the day worrying about what I could have possibly done to cause the anger and what I could possibly do to fix it. I had the constant need to feel loved and be liked and to be on everyone's good side. Of course, this is nearly impossible. Someone will always have something bad to say about you. It's not entirely possible to please everyone, but I always tried. I wanted the most friends, I wanted to be invited to all the fun stuff.
I wanted to be the center of attention. I wanted everyone to laugh at me and love me, and turn to me for advice and talk to me about their problems. I felt good and more important when people would ask me for help. Being the center of attention, I would always be in the know, I would know the haps. lol. Translation: I would know all of the latest gossip and the latest news.
At some point in your lives folks, all of this stuff will be taken away from you. What is your true motive for being the most popular? Ask yourself honestly, what happens if all of your friends are taken away? What if you don't know anything that is going on with anyone? What happens if all of your money is taken away from you? What happens if you don't have that fancy car, those hip new clothes? Will your friends still be there? Even if they're not, will you be okay? If that answer is no, then rethink your life and change your motives.
Imagine being alone, absolutely alone, with no means of communication with anyone. Just you and your hole. Stuck. Would you be okay?
When I had Josi, at first, I was okay. I was so focused on being a mom, I didn't realize how much I was missing. Then I would slowly feel the need to go out. I would travel facebook and realize how much I was missing. The weather starts getting nice, and I haven't been out in a week. I was in a hole and I started to get sad because I didn't feel included in things. I didn't see or talk to my friends as often. I wasn't in the "haps" and didn't know what was going on.........with anyone. I started to get sad. It was then that I realized that I'm not a child anymore. I can't go out. I need to save money to pay bills. I can't go out. I need to cook lunch. I can't go out. I need to take care of my child. I can't go out. Slowly, I started getting sad because I wanted to go out, I wanted to go watch a movie, I wanted to take my best friend out for her birthday.
I got sad when no one visited me for an entire week. I always look forward to visits because I hear news, I see new faces other than my family. But no one came and I got sad, and more sad, and more sad.
Then I asked myself, why am I sad? I see the love of my life everyday, and our child everyday. I have food, clothing and shelter. I don't have to work (just have to wake up every 2 hours). I have God on my side and I can talk to Him anytime I want to. Everything I need is within a reach and a prayer away. Slowly, I became contented with being in my hole. Because I have my jubie and my buzz and most importantly, my online bible with me. What more do I need?
As much as I love my ghetto fabulous friends, I don't NEED them. As much as I love my ghetto fabulous new clothes, I don't NEED them. As much as I love being in the haps, and knowing all the knows, I don't NEED to. I don't need to be the most popular, or be the coolest or be the most loved. I don't need to be the center of attention and I don't need to feel needed.
I am fully content with just me and my Lord and Saviour.
Nothing Else Matters.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
The Perfect Guy - Is he worth it?
"That won't happen to me,"
"I'm smarter than that, what she did was dumb."
That's what I said to everyone else about all the girls who got pregnant at such a young age. I was so sure that I was "smarter than that." You know what girls, you don't know what will happen until you are actually in that situation, and the only way to avoid making mistakes, is avoiding the situation all together.
When I was younger I was always focusing on boys: "My perfect guy will be taller than me, strong, nice to me, bring me flowers everyday..........." blah blah blah. And you know what? That is all nonsense, because the perfect guy comes from God and only God knows who you are going to be with for the rest of your life. I was so sure I was going to marry the one guy I was "in love" with for like, a billion years. I never gave anyone else a chance, I never really paid attention to what God was telling me, who God wanted me to be. I never gave God a chance to shape me into the person that he desired me to be. I never gave God a chance. I focused on what I wanted in life and not what He created me for.
I have a friend who prays for her husband every single time she prays. She prays that as God is helping her to grow, that her future husband is depending on God as well and growing closer with God as well. She hasn't even met him yet, but she prays for him. God knows our past, present and future. Let's leave all the major decisions in our lives up to Him instead of telling him what we want. Let's stop looking and start trusting in the Lord to provide us with all of our needs, including a husband, if it is in His will for us to have husbands.
Peer pressure does not end after you graduate from high school. It only gets worse. I know many girls who are being pressured by their boyfriend's to have sex. They tell me that they're in love, that "he's such a great guy, he's the best" and then they tell me that he's saying all his friends are "doing it" and he wants to "do it" too so that he's not left out and he knows what they're all talking about. He's pressuring her into having sex by playing the pity card. Making her feel sorry for him. Girls, MAN UP!!! Or, he went away for school, is being tempted, or has already done it with someone else, and to prove that you're good enough for him, you'll "do it" with him just to keep the relationship. Girls, WAKE UP!!!
Just imagine, working so hard on a 1000 piece puzzle. You spent hours and hours working on this puzzle because you wanted to put it on display. You tried your absolute hardest to keep all the pieces and not lose any. Then someone takes a piece, and throws it off the balcony without your consent. Now you can't display the puzzle because there is a piece missing. It is so shameful and embarrassing. What's the point in displaying a puzzle with a missing piece? How disgraceful that you tried so hard to keep everything together, and one slip up messes the entire thing. How angry would you be at that person that threw out the puzzle and ruined your masterpiece? Losing your virginity before marriage is ten times worse. God created us and takes care of us so well. We are all masterpieces created by God, but when we lose our virginity before marriage it is like we are taking a piece of God's masterpiece and throwing it in His face. How? How can we do that to our Saviour? Our Creator? Our one reason for living?
God has a plan for our lives. Look to Him and look ONLY to Him and what He tells us to do. Just because some boy you've been "in love" with for years and years says that he's leaving you for someone else, or just because some boy starts to ignore you and pay attention to other girls, or just because all of your friends have "done it" and you want to fit in, or you want to keep your friendship with that boy, or keep your popularity, or keep your "coolness." Let me just say, life on earth goes by like a blink of an eye compared to an eternity in Heaven. Being popular, feeling cool, feeling that "love" from that boy you gave your precious heart to, it's all irrelevant. It is all temporary. ETERNITY. Eternity in Heaven with God. How are we going to explain ourselves to our Creator? How are we going to tell Him that we destroyed his masterpiece because of some boy? Because of one moment of weakness? God is big. He is bigger than any temptation.
There is a reason why it says in the Bible NOT to yoke yourselves with unbelievers. Think about it. Your best friends that aren't Christian, that don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ. What are they doing? What are they telling you to do? What are they influencing you to do? As much as you deny going drinking or going to clubs with them, as much as you say no to sex, eventually either you will lose them as friends or you will lose yourself as a Christian. It is dangerous being yoked with non believers because in one way or another you will be influenced. As much as you say you aren't, you are. Ask yourself this........the people influencing you to do things against what God tells us, do they say they're Christian? If they truly are, then they wouldn't be anywhere near that stuff and they wouldn't be convincing you to do that stuff too.
Being a Christian requires sacrifice. You leave your old life behind you. Leave your non-Christian friends, leave your bad habits. God sacrificed His ONLY son for us. He died for us, can we not do this one thing for Him? Are we not willing to sacrifice for God? "But I'm trying to convert him, he's doing better, she's changing, I'm witnessing to them, I'm acting as an example." Fine, say all that, but once you find yourself sacrificing your Christian life to fit in for them, to wear all the cool clothes for them, to act like them, then is it really worth it? To lose your one eternal Love for your friends? To lose your one and only chance for true happiness just so you could fit in? Remember, ETERNITY verses one millisecond. Is it worth it?
If you are going to talk the talk, then walk the walk. Are you a Christian? Are you telling everyone you are a Christian? Then show them. Do you have sex with guys and think no one knows about it? God knows. Do you think you'll never get caught? You will. Even if you don't get caught, I hope that the guilt of disappointing God eats you alive. Because it ate me alive, and I paid for it. I'm not saying that I'm perfect in any way because I am far from perfect. I am far from being the ideal Christian. It just hurts me to even think that any of the girls I love are going through these things. Because I've been there. I know what it's like and I don't want ANYONE to EVER experience what I have been through.
Life is hard guys, but God is big. When you look to Him, you're life will be so much more fulfilling, so much more exciting, will have more meaning than anything else in the world. God makes you whole, those boys will give you holes.
Wait. Just wait until God has created you to become the woman He wants you to be. Wait. Wait until God has shaped your husband to be the man He wants him to be. Wait. Wait until God says it is time. Wait. Wait for the Lord's instructions. Just wait.
"I'm smarter than that, what she did was dumb."
That's what I said to everyone else about all the girls who got pregnant at such a young age. I was so sure that I was "smarter than that." You know what girls, you don't know what will happen until you are actually in that situation, and the only way to avoid making mistakes, is avoiding the situation all together.
When I was younger I was always focusing on boys: "My perfect guy will be taller than me, strong, nice to me, bring me flowers everyday..........." blah blah blah. And you know what? That is all nonsense, because the perfect guy comes from God and only God knows who you are going to be with for the rest of your life. I was so sure I was going to marry the one guy I was "in love" with for like, a billion years. I never gave anyone else a chance, I never really paid attention to what God was telling me, who God wanted me to be. I never gave God a chance to shape me into the person that he desired me to be. I never gave God a chance. I focused on what I wanted in life and not what He created me for.
I have a friend who prays for her husband every single time she prays. She prays that as God is helping her to grow, that her future husband is depending on God as well and growing closer with God as well. She hasn't even met him yet, but she prays for him. God knows our past, present and future. Let's leave all the major decisions in our lives up to Him instead of telling him what we want. Let's stop looking and start trusting in the Lord to provide us with all of our needs, including a husband, if it is in His will for us to have husbands.
Peer pressure does not end after you graduate from high school. It only gets worse. I know many girls who are being pressured by their boyfriend's to have sex. They tell me that they're in love, that "he's such a great guy, he's the best" and then they tell me that he's saying all his friends are "doing it" and he wants to "do it" too so that he's not left out and he knows what they're all talking about. He's pressuring her into having sex by playing the pity card. Making her feel sorry for him. Girls, MAN UP!!! Or, he went away for school, is being tempted, or has already done it with someone else, and to prove that you're good enough for him, you'll "do it" with him just to keep the relationship. Girls, WAKE UP!!!
Just imagine, working so hard on a 1000 piece puzzle. You spent hours and hours working on this puzzle because you wanted to put it on display. You tried your absolute hardest to keep all the pieces and not lose any. Then someone takes a piece, and throws it off the balcony without your consent. Now you can't display the puzzle because there is a piece missing. It is so shameful and embarrassing. What's the point in displaying a puzzle with a missing piece? How disgraceful that you tried so hard to keep everything together, and one slip up messes the entire thing. How angry would you be at that person that threw out the puzzle and ruined your masterpiece? Losing your virginity before marriage is ten times worse. God created us and takes care of us so well. We are all masterpieces created by God, but when we lose our virginity before marriage it is like we are taking a piece of God's masterpiece and throwing it in His face. How? How can we do that to our Saviour? Our Creator? Our one reason for living?
God has a plan for our lives. Look to Him and look ONLY to Him and what He tells us to do. Just because some boy you've been "in love" with for years and years says that he's leaving you for someone else, or just because some boy starts to ignore you and pay attention to other girls, or just because all of your friends have "done it" and you want to fit in, or you want to keep your friendship with that boy, or keep your popularity, or keep your "coolness." Let me just say, life on earth goes by like a blink of an eye compared to an eternity in Heaven. Being popular, feeling cool, feeling that "love" from that boy you gave your precious heart to, it's all irrelevant. It is all temporary. ETERNITY. Eternity in Heaven with God. How are we going to explain ourselves to our Creator? How are we going to tell Him that we destroyed his masterpiece because of some boy? Because of one moment of weakness? God is big. He is bigger than any temptation.
There is a reason why it says in the Bible NOT to yoke yourselves with unbelievers. Think about it. Your best friends that aren't Christian, that don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ. What are they doing? What are they telling you to do? What are they influencing you to do? As much as you deny going drinking or going to clubs with them, as much as you say no to sex, eventually either you will lose them as friends or you will lose yourself as a Christian. It is dangerous being yoked with non believers because in one way or another you will be influenced. As much as you say you aren't, you are. Ask yourself this........the people influencing you to do things against what God tells us, do they say they're Christian? If they truly are, then they wouldn't be anywhere near that stuff and they wouldn't be convincing you to do that stuff too.
Being a Christian requires sacrifice. You leave your old life behind you. Leave your non-Christian friends, leave your bad habits. God sacrificed His ONLY son for us. He died for us, can we not do this one thing for Him? Are we not willing to sacrifice for God? "But I'm trying to convert him, he's doing better, she's changing, I'm witnessing to them, I'm acting as an example." Fine, say all that, but once you find yourself sacrificing your Christian life to fit in for them, to wear all the cool clothes for them, to act like them, then is it really worth it? To lose your one eternal Love for your friends? To lose your one and only chance for true happiness just so you could fit in? Remember, ETERNITY verses one millisecond. Is it worth it?
If you are going to talk the talk, then walk the walk. Are you a Christian? Are you telling everyone you are a Christian? Then show them. Do you have sex with guys and think no one knows about it? God knows. Do you think you'll never get caught? You will. Even if you don't get caught, I hope that the guilt of disappointing God eats you alive. Because it ate me alive, and I paid for it. I'm not saying that I'm perfect in any way because I am far from perfect. I am far from being the ideal Christian. It just hurts me to even think that any of the girls I love are going through these things. Because I've been there. I know what it's like and I don't want ANYONE to EVER experience what I have been through.
Life is hard guys, but God is big. When you look to Him, you're life will be so much more fulfilling, so much more exciting, will have more meaning than anything else in the world. God makes you whole, those boys will give you holes.
Wait. Just wait until God has created you to become the woman He wants you to be. Wait. Wait until God has shaped your husband to be the man He wants him to be. Wait. Wait until God says it is time. Wait. Wait for the Lord's instructions. Just wait.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
..........
In no way did I write "hiatus" to display my pride of what I have done. I wrote the blog because I wanted people to know the true story from me and not from someone else. I am definitely not proud of the mistake that I have made. I am definitely not proud of all the pain and shame that I have caused my family. I am most definitely NOT proud of how much I have disappointed and hurt my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. I am very remorseful and VERY shameful for the mistake that I have made (as I said many times in my previous blog) and apologize wholeheartedly to those that I have hurt or disappointed, and mostly apologize to my family whose opinions matter most to me. I wrote the blog because I wanted those who knew me and loved me to understand how I felt, to understand the shame and guilt that I was feeling. I wanted people to know what was going on with me and I wanted people to understand that I am utterly sorry for what has happened.
I believe that every single child, every single baby is a gift from God and that for the rest of this situation I will trust wholly in God and feel blessed and thankful that I have family and most importantly God, to help me through every step of the way.
This is why I wrote the blog, so that people will understand my remorse, and guilt and shame. I wanted people to understand how this has drastically changed my life, but in every situation I always like to think of the positive, which is why in the beginning I said that this situation is for the better, because it is far more easy to see the negative, but with God, He helps me to see the positive side, and helps me to not dwell on the negative.
The only reason why I am the way I am now, the only reason why we (me and Joel) are handling this situation the way we are now is because God gives us strength every day of our lives to wake up and see the positive and good side of all situations. God helps us to see the blessings that He has given to us. If we did not have God, we would not see things in this situation. If we did not have God, we would be absolutely miserable. With God there is always hope and love, so why would we dwell on the negative when we have the Lord with us to help us see the positive.
I know with all my heart that God loves me and that God has forgiven me for the mistakes I have made, and I trust him with all that I am to take care of me, I trust Him to love me and I trust Him to be there for me through all situations. Above all, God Loves.
I believe that every single child, every single baby is a gift from God and that for the rest of this situation I will trust wholly in God and feel blessed and thankful that I have family and most importantly God, to help me through every step of the way.
This is why I wrote the blog, so that people will understand my remorse, and guilt and shame. I wanted people to understand how this has drastically changed my life, but in every situation I always like to think of the positive, which is why in the beginning I said that this situation is for the better, because it is far more easy to see the negative, but with God, He helps me to see the positive side, and helps me to not dwell on the negative.
The only reason why I am the way I am now, the only reason why we (me and Joel) are handling this situation the way we are now is because God gives us strength every day of our lives to wake up and see the positive and good side of all situations. God helps us to see the blessings that He has given to us. If we did not have God, we would not see things in this situation. If we did not have God, we would be absolutely miserable. With God there is always hope and love, so why would we dwell on the negative when we have the Lord with us to help us see the positive.
I know with all my heart that God loves me and that God has forgiven me for the mistakes I have made, and I trust him with all that I am to take care of me, I trust Him to love me and I trust Him to be there for me through all situations. Above all, God Loves.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Hiatus
I know, I've been on hiatus for like 2 months but life sort of took a turn. Some people would say for the worst but I'd say for the better. God has a plan for everything and I trust Him wholeheartedly.
On February 27 I will be having my own baby girl. Well, I think it's a girl, my boyfriend says boy, but like people say, momma knows best. At the prime age of 21, this new event in life has brought on many struggles, fears, and doubts, but without all of these emotions I wouldn't have turned to God for comfort.
In the beginning I was overcome with fear and stress. With my boyfriend and I both being youth leaders, a lot of pressure was put on us to make the proper decisions in how to approach things. For support and guidance we told those closest to us, we were neither condemned nor discouraged but comforted with love. We then told the youth leaders and we approached the pastor, leaving both meetings filled with guilt and shame. We were told to throw in our titles as leaders, something that we did with fear, guilt and doubt. Fear for the future of our youth, whom we both thought of as our own children. Guilt, for we were abandoning them during the prime, when they needed us most, and doubt on whether we should have left the way we did. My heart and soul was filled with a desire to serve the Lord through helping our youth, especially the girls whom I loved more than myself. It was, and still is very hard for me to let them go. By far, the hardest thing during this whole baby drama.
Our next step was to tell our parents, the last of my stresses. To my relief, it didn't go as bad as I thought it would go. I have grown to love my parents with a new found respect. I now know that my parents love me unconditionally, no matter how many mistakes I make. And, it is truly sad how I realize that now, after 21 years of their love and care that I have continuously failed to see or acknowledge. Had I known, or if I only opened my eyes too see all that they have done for me in the past, I would have went out of my way to embrace them, tell them I love them, and go out of my way to spend time with them. I would have been able to build a relationship with them, instead of this one word fiasco that I had going on for the past year.
After telling our parents, my boyfriend and I had to plan for the future. Something we are still in the process of. We have to make big people decisions because we are no longer little people. I am going to have a little person of my own shooting out of me in 5 months (and I pray that she is little because oh the pain).
I believe the hardest part in all this is disappointing people. The shame I feel when I see my family, especially my older cousins, all of whom expected better of me. The shame I feel knowing that I made my family cry, especially knowing that they're crying for me. The shame I feel in knowing that I have abandoned my girls (my small group) whom I have grown to love with all my heart. The disappointing looks, all the sad faces, the shame that I have brought to my family, has made me cry with more sadness than I have ever felt in my heart. Making this mistake when I believed no one expected anything of me is one thing, but making this mistake now knowing that people saw me, had faith in me and expected so much more of me puts a guilt in my heart that no one can ever understand. I hate saying sorry because in this case, sorry isn't enough. I feel so ashamed and one day I hope to be able to earn that trust, and faith again.
On the upside, for the first time in these 4 months, I realized that I'm actually having a baby. An ultrasound is just a picture, but when you hear the baby's heartbeat, you know that it's truly there. I only hope and pray that I will be able to love this baby at least half as much as I am loved now. And I hope my baby realizes how much she is loved earlier than I did.
*Mari
On February 27 I will be having my own baby girl. Well, I think it's a girl, my boyfriend says boy, but like people say, momma knows best. At the prime age of 21, this new event in life has brought on many struggles, fears, and doubts, but without all of these emotions I wouldn't have turned to God for comfort.
In the beginning I was overcome with fear and stress. With my boyfriend and I both being youth leaders, a lot of pressure was put on us to make the proper decisions in how to approach things. For support and guidance we told those closest to us, we were neither condemned nor discouraged but comforted with love. We then told the youth leaders and we approached the pastor, leaving both meetings filled with guilt and shame. We were told to throw in our titles as leaders, something that we did with fear, guilt and doubt. Fear for the future of our youth, whom we both thought of as our own children. Guilt, for we were abandoning them during the prime, when they needed us most, and doubt on whether we should have left the way we did. My heart and soul was filled with a desire to serve the Lord through helping our youth, especially the girls whom I loved more than myself. It was, and still is very hard for me to let them go. By far, the hardest thing during this whole baby drama.
Our next step was to tell our parents, the last of my stresses. To my relief, it didn't go as bad as I thought it would go. I have grown to love my parents with a new found respect. I now know that my parents love me unconditionally, no matter how many mistakes I make. And, it is truly sad how I realize that now, after 21 years of their love and care that I have continuously failed to see or acknowledge. Had I known, or if I only opened my eyes too see all that they have done for me in the past, I would have went out of my way to embrace them, tell them I love them, and go out of my way to spend time with them. I would have been able to build a relationship with them, instead of this one word fiasco that I had going on for the past year.
After telling our parents, my boyfriend and I had to plan for the future. Something we are still in the process of. We have to make big people decisions because we are no longer little people. I am going to have a little person of my own shooting out of me in 5 months (and I pray that she is little because oh the pain).
I believe the hardest part in all this is disappointing people. The shame I feel when I see my family, especially my older cousins, all of whom expected better of me. The shame I feel knowing that I made my family cry, especially knowing that they're crying for me. The shame I feel in knowing that I have abandoned my girls (my small group) whom I have grown to love with all my heart. The disappointing looks, all the sad faces, the shame that I have brought to my family, has made me cry with more sadness than I have ever felt in my heart. Making this mistake when I believed no one expected anything of me is one thing, but making this mistake now knowing that people saw me, had faith in me and expected so much more of me puts a guilt in my heart that no one can ever understand. I hate saying sorry because in this case, sorry isn't enough. I feel so ashamed and one day I hope to be able to earn that trust, and faith again.
On the upside, for the first time in these 4 months, I realized that I'm actually having a baby. An ultrasound is just a picture, but when you hear the baby's heartbeat, you know that it's truly there. I only hope and pray that I will be able to love this baby at least half as much as I am loved now. And I hope my baby realizes how much she is loved earlier than I did.
*Mari
Sunday, June 1, 2008
When bad things happen........
Honestly, how hard is life? It can be one hundred percent amazing and then one by one life comes crashing down. Things that you depend on to be there, leave you. Things that you look forward to, get canceled. How hard is it to be happy? Very hard, unless you're a Christian.
Being a Christian means seeing things from a different perspective. When something bad happens, say your car crashes and insurance decides not to cover it, a non-Christian may view this situation as extremely bad. They are losing $11,000 and their insurance rate will be $500 more every month. A non-Christian would see the worst of things and whine and complain. A Christian's point of view would be totally different. Instead of seeing the worst of things, they see how these events can help change them for the better. Yes, they are losing a lot of money, but at least they are safe, at least no one was hurt. Money isn't everything.
A Christian would also try and see why God would put them in this situation and how they can learn from it. Maybe the person behind the wheel was not supposed to be driving. Mistakes happen, and God was trying to teach a lesson. Maybe God is trying to teach this person patience, they were not allowed to be driving, so they crashed.
In every bad situation, there is always a reason or a lesson behind it. Life sucks, it ultimately sucks, but when you know that God is always there to help you through everything then it doesn't suck as bad. Knowing that God will take care of you through every bad situation, every mistake, every hurt and pain and sorrow. Just knowing that He loves you and will always watch over you is comfort enough to live through this crappy life.
The book of Job in the Bible talks about a man who was one hundred percent loyal to God. Satan said to God that if everything was taken away from Job then Job would no longer be faithful and love God. God then gave Satan the ability to take everything away from Job, but made sure that Job was not hurt. After having all of his treasures burnt, blown up, after his children were murdered, Job stayed faithful to God.
God is in control of everything, and there is always a reason for every bad thing that happens. Instead of whining and crying about it, learn from it. Ask God to show you why the bad things are happening and ask Him for the strength to be able to endure any type of suffering that happens in life.
Life ultimately sucks, but when you turn to God, He will help you through it.
Being a Christian means seeing things from a different perspective. When something bad happens, say your car crashes and insurance decides not to cover it, a non-Christian may view this situation as extremely bad. They are losing $11,000 and their insurance rate will be $500 more every month. A non-Christian would see the worst of things and whine and complain. A Christian's point of view would be totally different. Instead of seeing the worst of things, they see how these events can help change them for the better. Yes, they are losing a lot of money, but at least they are safe, at least no one was hurt. Money isn't everything.
A Christian would also try and see why God would put them in this situation and how they can learn from it. Maybe the person behind the wheel was not supposed to be driving. Mistakes happen, and God was trying to teach a lesson. Maybe God is trying to teach this person patience, they were not allowed to be driving, so they crashed.
In every bad situation, there is always a reason or a lesson behind it. Life sucks, it ultimately sucks, but when you know that God is always there to help you through everything then it doesn't suck as bad. Knowing that God will take care of you through every bad situation, every mistake, every hurt and pain and sorrow. Just knowing that He loves you and will always watch over you is comfort enough to live through this crappy life.
The book of Job in the Bible talks about a man who was one hundred percent loyal to God. Satan said to God that if everything was taken away from Job then Job would no longer be faithful and love God. God then gave Satan the ability to take everything away from Job, but made sure that Job was not hurt. After having all of his treasures burnt, blown up, after his children were murdered, Job stayed faithful to God.
God is in control of everything, and there is always a reason for every bad thing that happens. Instead of whining and crying about it, learn from it. Ask God to show you why the bad things are happening and ask Him for the strength to be able to endure any type of suffering that happens in life.
Life ultimately sucks, but when you turn to God, He will help you through it.
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