Well, I think it's safe to say that life for Joel and I has drastically changed. We are no longer single, and we no longer can think for ourselves. Whenever we have to make plans, we actually have to plan for the kids. We have to plan around their nap times or their bed times. Life isn't about us anymore, it is about them.
In church on Sunday, the speaker was speaking about mothers and how they cannot be selfish. Motherhood is about sacrifice, and not just motherhood, but parenting and having kids is about losing yourself in them. As parents we have to sacrifice the lives that we have and make every decision based on what would be good for the kids.
For Joel and I, I think that this was a hard process to understand. Not being selfish, but being selfless. When we had Josiah, it was easy, because he was a newborn. He would sleep all the time, had no schedule. He would eat when he was hungry and go to bed when he was sleepy. All we had to do was take all the bottles and food with us, and we were like his home on wheels (or feet rather). So, life, in that sense, hadn't changed much. We were still able to go out, eat out, hang out, whenever and wherever we wanted. We were the same Joel and Mari, but with a little munchkin.
As Josiah gets older, we slowly have to learn how to sacrifice for him. As much as we want to go out, we have to see what will be easy for him. If we go out too late, he will be cranky and tantrum and cause a whole scene in the restaurant, at someone's house, just everywhere. If he doesn't have his nap, he will be tantrummy, if he doesn't eat on time, tantrum. We have to make sure that he is always on schedule, because if he isn't then he will be so cranky. So now, every time we go out, we have to go out according to Josiah's schedule or mayhem breaks loose.
So when everyone is at the park playing on a nice and sunny day, or staying out late at a friend's house, we have to be home by 8:00 so that Josiah can eat dinner and go to bed on time. In the afternoon's we have to go home by 1:00 or 2:00pm because that's Josiah's nap time and if he doesn't get that then he will be cranky.
Parenting is about sacrifice. You have to change your perspective on life. It's no longer about you, it's about your children. On Supernanny, she said that children rely on a schedule because if there is no schedule then there is no control. She was right. If we are off schedule with Josiah, then he is out of control. What I care most about in life, is that my children are okay, that they are in control and that they are happy.
Josiah hates crowds. He hates when people crowd around him. He hates the mall, he hates when he is out of his comfort zone. So, me and Joel can't be in big crowds and we can't go to the mall when it's busy. Eventually he will grow out of it, but why torture him with the things that he fears.
Josiah is an amazing kid. He has experienced a lot of things in life that many have not experienced. Everyday he wakes up happy and smiling. When he goes to bed he tells us that he loves us and says good night. There is never any whining or crying. We tell him to do something and he will do it. There are the occasional tantrums and such, but all in all, he is happy. He plays, he smiles, he loves and he cares for everyone around him. And he's only 2. He has changed my life so much.
Because of him, I don't care what anyone thinks of me or my family. As long as I know that God loves me and that my family is happy, then I am fine. Joel and I sacrifice for our children every day. We sacrifice going out to the movies, or going out for dinner. We sacrifice a lot of fellowships and hanging out with the youth. We can't be that Joel and Mari anymore who can just hang out with our friends. We are parents. We are on a new journey in our lives and we have moved on.
We married young, and had a child at a very young age, but that's what happens when you make decisions. You sacrifice your childhood or your own young adulthood for your own children. I feel like I'm 35 years old and I'm only 24. Having children is hard. Having kids is hard. If you're not willing to give up your life for someone, then you're not ready to have a child.
I admit. I miss when I could go watch movies, or just make random decisions to go to the park. Or I miss when me and Joel could hang out, just the two of us. But doing stuff like that is nearly impossible. I am not just me. I am Mari, Joel, Josiah and Mateo. Every decision I make affects all 3 of them.
Being selfless. It's what a family is and what a family is about. Being Selfless. Sacrifice. Love.
I am not who I was and I don't want to go back. I am a mother. I am a wife. I like who I am, and if that means losing things and people that I once had in my life, then I am fine with that. God called me to be who I am now. My ministry is my children. I love them because Christ loved me, and I will teach them to love Christ because that, as a mother, is my duty. Nothing else in this world matters to me than to have my children know and love the Jesus Christ that I know and love. That is my calling. This is what God wants for me.
This is life as I know it. My family. Nothing else matters.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Wait! Just Wait....
I feel like God has been constantly telling me something all weekend. He keeps telling me to wait. For what? I know not. But I have to wait.
Yesterday my family (husband and kids) went for a walk in the park. It was a loooonnggg walk. It was a sort of one way walk. We were wondering as we were walking how far we could go, I had to remind him that we still had to walk back, so as far as we walk straight, double that, because we'd have to turn around and walk back to the car, make sense? Anyway, for those Mississaugans, we walked from Burnhamthorpe to Dundas, and then had to go back. On the way back Josiah woke up from his nap and constantly wanted uppy or would run and stop and look at rocks and want to play in the mud or play on the slant that the bridge has. He would run up and down and up and down the bridge. Bikers would go around him, people would smile at him, he was having fun. Me and Joel were not. We were tired, we just wanted to go to the car. I kept reminding Joel that we went to the park for Josiah anyway so he could have some fresh air, but after 30 minutes of standing by the bridge waiting for Josiah to tire out, we picked him up and left. On our way back Josiah had at least 5 tantrums and Joel had to carry him over half the way back to the car. It was tiring, it was stressful and it was tiring.
We were 2 minutes away from the car, and when you see your destination you have this sudden spurt of energy to just go go go. I wasn't that tired, but I wasn't the one carrying Josiah. Joel, on the other had, said his legs were burning and he just wanted to sit. We reached a huge puddle in the middle of the pathway, but there were also two little paths on either side that led around the puddle. As we were approaching it, there were two other ladies crossing on one side (a smooth, wide, and flat path) and I saw that the path on the other side was all bumpy with tree roots, was more narrow and was on a slight incline. I was pushing Mateo in the stroller and Josiah's stroller was also attached to Mateo's, so me, being a little more patient and a lot less tired than Joel, decided to wait for the two ladies to pass on the other side, instead of going over all the bumpy tree roots and falling in the puddle. Joel, unfortunately, is much less patient, and was more tired than me, he decided to pull the stroller through the bumpiness of the tree roots.
It was what I would say an epic fail. The whole time I was screaming "Wait! Just Wait!" and he was pulling me and the strollers through the inclined and bumpy and much more narrower path. What else would happen.......I tripped on a tree root, my foot slid in the mud and the strollers upturned. If Mateo wasn't buckled in, he would have face planted. My children, they sleep like logs. We put the stroller back upright, and Mateo went back to sleep (what a guy). Anyway, I wasn't mad at all. I knew Joel was tired and just wanted to go back to the car, but during that whole trek through the narrow and bumpy path I was screaming "Wait, wait, wait!" but he wasn't listening and was determined to go forward. Had we waited 5 more seconds, I could have went on the smooth path that the ladies were walking on and we would have gotten across the puddle much faster than rushing through the other bumpy way. I know Joel felt bad for literally dragging me through the mud (and I have a boo boo on my finger) and I'm pretty sure he learned his lesson (when I say wait, he should WAIT). And surprisingly, I wasn't mad at all. The important thing was that the kids were both fine and at the end of the day, that's what really matters (in my mind).
What did I learn? I learned that sometimes, it is better to wait. Actually, a lot of the time it is better to wait. There were two paths, one wide, one narrow. one bumpy, one smooth. One was on a bit of a slant and the other was flat. Sometimes we are in such a rush that we don't bother to see both paths, we take the first convenient path in life and we fall. This is a lesson that I constantly learn and constantly have to teach my children and husband. Good things come to those who wait.
Josiah, who is now in his terrible twos, has inherited his dad's patience, or lack of. When he's hungry he'll say "banana" or "apple" and both need to be peeled or cut. So when he asks for it, I get it and I start to cut or peel it. Josiah can't wait for that. He decides to go on the floor, scream and cry and kick, and then go in time out for 10 minutes until he stops crying, and then he will get the food. Essentially, if he just waited 2 minutes, he would get what he asked for, but instead he chooses to wait 15. He saw the food, he wanted it. How is he going to eat an unpeeled banana? Even gorillas peel their bananas!
We don't get everything we want right away, and that's what most of the world needs to learn. Impatient people who don't have money, rob the bank, or go into debt maxing out credit cards. Why go broke when you could just wait, earn the money, save the money and then go buy what you need. Life is a waiting game and a lot of people lose.
A plant takes time to grow, babies take time to grow. Why are we fast forwarding life? Enjoy the now, and trust God with the future. Wait for God to make His plans for you. Wait for Him to show you what He wants you to do in life. Don't rush anything.
I was looking up verses on "waiting" in the Bible and I came across this Bible Study about patience and waiting.
http://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/articles/theology/081112.html?start=1
It's called "The Secret of Waiting" and it gives reasons on why we should wait and how we should wait on God.
"Waiting on God may be the most difficult of all the spiritual disciplines, and perhaps that's the reason so few truly practice it. Just sitting in his presence and gazing … it can be agonizing to us who have become accustomed to being bombarded with data and stimuli. We lack the attention span to wait on God. But he knows that, so in his kindness he designs scenarios that will help us learn how to wait on him. Once we press through and cross the boredom threshold, we open to the joys and adventures of waiting on God."
I think that this is difficult for today's generation because of all the technology around us. It is agonizing to wait, for anything! I pray, that for myself and my family, we all learn the power or patience in all things we do.
Yesterday my family (husband and kids) went for a walk in the park. It was a loooonnggg walk. It was a sort of one way walk. We were wondering as we were walking how far we could go, I had to remind him that we still had to walk back, so as far as we walk straight, double that, because we'd have to turn around and walk back to the car, make sense? Anyway, for those Mississaugans, we walked from Burnhamthorpe to Dundas, and then had to go back. On the way back Josiah woke up from his nap and constantly wanted uppy or would run and stop and look at rocks and want to play in the mud or play on the slant that the bridge has. He would run up and down and up and down the bridge. Bikers would go around him, people would smile at him, he was having fun. Me and Joel were not. We were tired, we just wanted to go to the car. I kept reminding Joel that we went to the park for Josiah anyway so he could have some fresh air, but after 30 minutes of standing by the bridge waiting for Josiah to tire out, we picked him up and left. On our way back Josiah had at least 5 tantrums and Joel had to carry him over half the way back to the car. It was tiring, it was stressful and it was tiring.
We were 2 minutes away from the car, and when you see your destination you have this sudden spurt of energy to just go go go. I wasn't that tired, but I wasn't the one carrying Josiah. Joel, on the other had, said his legs were burning and he just wanted to sit. We reached a huge puddle in the middle of the pathway, but there were also two little paths on either side that led around the puddle. As we were approaching it, there were two other ladies crossing on one side (a smooth, wide, and flat path) and I saw that the path on the other side was all bumpy with tree roots, was more narrow and was on a slight incline. I was pushing Mateo in the stroller and Josiah's stroller was also attached to Mateo's, so me, being a little more patient and a lot less tired than Joel, decided to wait for the two ladies to pass on the other side, instead of going over all the bumpy tree roots and falling in the puddle. Joel, unfortunately, is much less patient, and was more tired than me, he decided to pull the stroller through the bumpiness of the tree roots.
It was what I would say an epic fail. The whole time I was screaming "Wait! Just Wait!" and he was pulling me and the strollers through the inclined and bumpy and much more narrower path. What else would happen.......I tripped on a tree root, my foot slid in the mud and the strollers upturned. If Mateo wasn't buckled in, he would have face planted. My children, they sleep like logs. We put the stroller back upright, and Mateo went back to sleep (what a guy). Anyway, I wasn't mad at all. I knew Joel was tired and just wanted to go back to the car, but during that whole trek through the narrow and bumpy path I was screaming "Wait, wait, wait!" but he wasn't listening and was determined to go forward. Had we waited 5 more seconds, I could have went on the smooth path that the ladies were walking on and we would have gotten across the puddle much faster than rushing through the other bumpy way. I know Joel felt bad for literally dragging me through the mud (and I have a boo boo on my finger) and I'm pretty sure he learned his lesson (when I say wait, he should WAIT). And surprisingly, I wasn't mad at all. The important thing was that the kids were both fine and at the end of the day, that's what really matters (in my mind).
What did I learn? I learned that sometimes, it is better to wait. Actually, a lot of the time it is better to wait. There were two paths, one wide, one narrow. one bumpy, one smooth. One was on a bit of a slant and the other was flat. Sometimes we are in such a rush that we don't bother to see both paths, we take the first convenient path in life and we fall. This is a lesson that I constantly learn and constantly have to teach my children and husband. Good things come to those who wait.
Josiah, who is now in his terrible twos, has inherited his dad's patience, or lack of. When he's hungry he'll say "banana" or "apple" and both need to be peeled or cut. So when he asks for it, I get it and I start to cut or peel it. Josiah can't wait for that. He decides to go on the floor, scream and cry and kick, and then go in time out for 10 minutes until he stops crying, and then he will get the food. Essentially, if he just waited 2 minutes, he would get what he asked for, but instead he chooses to wait 15. He saw the food, he wanted it. How is he going to eat an unpeeled banana? Even gorillas peel their bananas!
We don't get everything we want right away, and that's what most of the world needs to learn. Impatient people who don't have money, rob the bank, or go into debt maxing out credit cards. Why go broke when you could just wait, earn the money, save the money and then go buy what you need. Life is a waiting game and a lot of people lose.
A plant takes time to grow, babies take time to grow. Why are we fast forwarding life? Enjoy the now, and trust God with the future. Wait for God to make His plans for you. Wait for Him to show you what He wants you to do in life. Don't rush anything.
I was looking up verses on "waiting" in the Bible and I came across this Bible Study about patience and waiting.
http://www.christianitytoday.com/biblestudies/articles/theology/081112.html?start=1
It's called "The Secret of Waiting" and it gives reasons on why we should wait and how we should wait on God.
"Waiting on God may be the most difficult of all the spiritual disciplines, and perhaps that's the reason so few truly practice it. Just sitting in his presence and gazing … it can be agonizing to us who have become accustomed to being bombarded with data and stimuli. We lack the attention span to wait on God. But he knows that, so in his kindness he designs scenarios that will help us learn how to wait on him. Once we press through and cross the boredom threshold, we open to the joys and adventures of waiting on God."
I think that this is difficult for today's generation because of all the technology around us. It is agonizing to wait, for anything! I pray, that for myself and my family, we all learn the power or patience in all things we do.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Final Sale, No Returns or Refunds.
It's been a while since I've blogged. It's been awhile since I've had my own thoughts. I think that over the past year of not blogging my brain has filled up with random thoughts that people following me on twitter are sick of me clogging their newsfeed. Henceforth, I have decided to brain splart all over my blog.
Why has it been awhile? 1 kid is tough, 2 kids is toughest. The transition from one to two kids brings A LOT of responsibility, takes up double the amount of time, it is very tiring and stressful and just wears me down. I am so tired. I have not done anything for myself in a while. With just Josiah, it was easier because I would only have to keep an eye on one child and when Josiah was napping I would have my own time to do what I want. But with two, they don't nap at the same time and sometimes they both always want my attention and that's hard. Yes, I have two eyes, but I'm not a bird or lizard, I can only look in one direction.
It's weird because after I had Mateo (my second boy) it's like my "mommy instincts" doubled. Even though I'm watching one, I know what Josiah is doing even when he's not in the room. I have been blessed with an independent first born. Josiah likes to play by himself, and I'm glad, because I can focus on Mateo. Unfortunately, Josiah is in his terrible twos, and it really is terrible. This stage wears you down like crazy. It's super hard, his tantrums. If you think it's bad when they're 1, just wait until they turn 2. Now with 1 child at 2 years old and a newborn, I don't know what I was thinking. Life is hard. Don't think you can handle it without the grace of God because without God, I wouldn't survive each day. There are days when I am so overwhelmed I just want to cry and cry. And it won't get any better. When Joba is 3 apparently it gets worse, and just wait until he can really talk back. Oh man. Kids, there really isn't a return policy or refund.
Why has it been awhile? 1 kid is tough, 2 kids is toughest. The transition from one to two kids brings A LOT of responsibility, takes up double the amount of time, it is very tiring and stressful and just wears me down. I am so tired. I have not done anything for myself in a while. With just Josiah, it was easier because I would only have to keep an eye on one child and when Josiah was napping I would have my own time to do what I want. But with two, they don't nap at the same time and sometimes they both always want my attention and that's hard. Yes, I have two eyes, but I'm not a bird or lizard, I can only look in one direction.
It's weird because after I had Mateo (my second boy) it's like my "mommy instincts" doubled. Even though I'm watching one, I know what Josiah is doing even when he's not in the room. I have been blessed with an independent first born. Josiah likes to play by himself, and I'm glad, because I can focus on Mateo. Unfortunately, Josiah is in his terrible twos, and it really is terrible. This stage wears you down like crazy. It's super hard, his tantrums. If you think it's bad when they're 1, just wait until they turn 2. Now with 1 child at 2 years old and a newborn, I don't know what I was thinking. Life is hard. Don't think you can handle it without the grace of God because without God, I wouldn't survive each day. There are days when I am so overwhelmed I just want to cry and cry. And it won't get any better. When Joba is 3 apparently it gets worse, and just wait until he can really talk back. Oh man. Kids, there really isn't a return policy or refund.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Why I'm in Love
He laughs at my jokes when no one else laughs
He watches girly, corny romance movies even though he hates them.
He'll walk around downtown, or through a crowded mall just to be with me, even though he hates doing that too
He will hold my hand, even though there are rashes all over it.
He will look at my rashes and say that they make me beautiful
He will do anything to put a smile on my face when I'm sad.
I know that when I fall down and everyone is laughing at me, he won't be laughing but he'll be there to help me up, and then hours later, we can laugh together.
I know that even in the hardest of situations, he won't run but hold my hand and tell me that everything will be okay because God is in control
I know that when I'm sick he will take care of me, and sit beside me and still tell me that I'm beautiful
I know that even without make up he'll love me and tell me I'm beautiful
I feel beautiful one hundred percent of the time.
Not fearing that he will be tempted by another girl
Not feeling that I would have to change myself just to keep up with other girls.
Not forcing myself to be prettier, skinnier, or change anything about myself
Knowing that I am loved for who I am, inside and out. No matter what I do or say.
He watches girly, corny romance movies even though he hates them.
He'll walk around downtown, or through a crowded mall just to be with me, even though he hates doing that too
He will hold my hand, even though there are rashes all over it.
He will look at my rashes and say that they make me beautiful
He will do anything to put a smile on my face when I'm sad.
I know that when I fall down and everyone is laughing at me, he won't be laughing but he'll be there to help me up, and then hours later, we can laugh together.
I know that even in the hardest of situations, he won't run but hold my hand and tell me that everything will be okay because God is in control
I know that when I'm sick he will take care of me, and sit beside me and still tell me that I'm beautiful
I know that even without make up he'll love me and tell me I'm beautiful
I feel beautiful one hundred percent of the time.
Not fearing that he will be tempted by another girl
Not feeling that I would have to change myself just to keep up with other girls.
Not forcing myself to be prettier, skinnier, or change anything about myself
Knowing that I am loved for who I am, inside and out. No matter what I do or say.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The Boy Girl Dilemma
The question is..........Can a boy and a girl be best friends?
Many people try this and for some it works out. In my opinion, it doesn't. Why, you ask?
There is an emotional attachment. Girls, who are you trying to fool? You try convincing yourself that he's just your best friend, you constantly tell him that you guys are just best friends, but come on. You like him and you're afraid to get hurt or you don't want to be in a relationship until your older. Well wake up, you will get hurt and you're already in a relationship. It's the emotional attachment. Ask yourself this. If he started dating someone would you be jealous? Would you get hurt? If you started dating someone, would he be jealous or hurt? If the answer is yes to both questions then you guys are emotionally attached to each other and calling yourselves best friends is not helping the situation.
You guys like each other so deal with it. If you guys have an agreement that you'll go out with each other when you're 18, then fine BUT don't be jealous when he talks to other girls or goes out with other girls. Don't treat each other like you guys are dating, and don't be all possessive. He's not yours to claim, you guys are not going out. Do you guys kiss? Do you guys hold hands? Well if you do, ask yourself this, with your girl best friends, do you guys do the same thing? Do you kiss and hold hands with your girl friends? EW if you do.
Holding hands and kissing should be saved for you and your boyfriend. If you guys aren't dating then that's just weird. If your going to call each other best friends, then act like best friends. Don't call each other best friends and treat each other like you are boyfriend and girlfriend. Why?
Ask yourself this: What's the difference between boyfriend and girlfriend and being best friends? The difference is the emotional attachment. When you have a boyfriend, you guys agree that you will not be dating anyone else but each other. You agree that the relationship goal is marriage (because that's what dating is -you date to marry). If you're not ready to think of marriage, then don't date boys or call them your boyfriend. If you want to hang out with this guy because you think he's fun, then go out with a group of friends. One on one time with a boy is more than dangerous. Avoid situations like that because temptation is everywhere.
Being best friends with a boy does not include emotional attachment. If he likes a girl, you support him and you tell him if she's good for him or not. You help him out in relationships with other girls if he wants a relationship with another girl. You will be okay to meet his girlfriend and befriend her. You won't be jealous or possessive. You will support other relationships. If he's in love with another girl, you support him. If he's dating a girl that's no good for him, you tell him. Be a best friend, NOT a girlfriend.
If you find that your relationship with your guy best friend is bordering between dating or being friends then talk to him, ask him what's going on with you two and then come up with an agreement. Keep in mind, dating is for marriage, if you're not ready for marriage, then stay best friends, but stray away from the emotional attachment. If you like him, hang out with him, but IN A GROUP.
Phone conversations are deadly. Fine, talk to him if he's your best friend, but watch your motives and most importantly Guard your heart. If you find yourself slowly falling in love with your best friend because you have so many phone conversations and you know so much about him and he knows so much about you. Guard your heart. You guys find it easy to talk to each other. You can tell him stuff that you've never told anyone and you feel so comfortable talking to him on the phone, Watch out, guard your heart. If you know the person on the other end doesn't feel the same way about you, then what's the point. Why invest so much time on the phone when you know that the relationship is not headed toward the same goal as you. Remember, dating is for marriage. You like this guy so much, but does he even think of you in the same way? Your investing so much of your heart in this guy, but he doesn't even think of you that way. You're in love with a wall.
I know, I know. He's the only person that will listen to you. He's the only person that will understand you. You guys are best friends. Okay. Are you in love with him? Is he in love with you? If the answer is yes to both then talk to each other about the future. Talk to each other about dating if you see a marriage in the works. If you're in love with him and he only thinks of you as a best friend, that's when the shields go up. Guard your heart. Let God and Let Go. Let God take control, and let go of your feelings. It's not easy, but with all your faith in the Lord, anything can happen. Faith can move mountains, surely it can help you get over this guy. I always say, if he's the one, then God will bring him back to you.
Why invest so much time in this one guy when God could be showing you your true love. You're so focused on this one guy and you could be ignoring THE ONE that God made for you. Remember, always pray for your future husband, if marriage is meant for you. When they say Give everything to God, they literally mean give EVERYTHING to God. All your friendships, all your stresses, all your loves. Everything, Give it to God and He will take care of you.
God knows all of you. He knows all of your secrets, and all of your lies. He knows all of your shames and all your disguises. He knows who you truly are. No guy best friend can take this away from you. It may be so easy to talk to your guy best friend on the phone. It may be so easy because he listens and he understands you. But always know, that God knows all of you, he knows your past, and your future. He knows what you're going to say before you say it. He knows who you will marry, and who will break your heart. He knows the choices you will make and he knows the mistakes that you've made. Before investing so much of your life into this one guy who is your "best friend" make God your best friend first. HE will never ever let you down or break your heart. HE is the only one who truly knows how to HEAL your broken heart.
This guy, your best friend. Is he truly your best friend? Or is he something more?
The Boy Girl Dilemma.
Many people try this and for some it works out. In my opinion, it doesn't. Why, you ask?
There is an emotional attachment. Girls, who are you trying to fool? You try convincing yourself that he's just your best friend, you constantly tell him that you guys are just best friends, but come on. You like him and you're afraid to get hurt or you don't want to be in a relationship until your older. Well wake up, you will get hurt and you're already in a relationship. It's the emotional attachment. Ask yourself this. If he started dating someone would you be jealous? Would you get hurt? If you started dating someone, would he be jealous or hurt? If the answer is yes to both questions then you guys are emotionally attached to each other and calling yourselves best friends is not helping the situation.
You guys like each other so deal with it. If you guys have an agreement that you'll go out with each other when you're 18, then fine BUT don't be jealous when he talks to other girls or goes out with other girls. Don't treat each other like you guys are dating, and don't be all possessive. He's not yours to claim, you guys are not going out. Do you guys kiss? Do you guys hold hands? Well if you do, ask yourself this, with your girl best friends, do you guys do the same thing? Do you kiss and hold hands with your girl friends? EW if you do.
Holding hands and kissing should be saved for you and your boyfriend. If you guys aren't dating then that's just weird. If your going to call each other best friends, then act like best friends. Don't call each other best friends and treat each other like you are boyfriend and girlfriend. Why?
Ask yourself this: What's the difference between boyfriend and girlfriend and being best friends? The difference is the emotional attachment. When you have a boyfriend, you guys agree that you will not be dating anyone else but each other. You agree that the relationship goal is marriage (because that's what dating is -you date to marry). If you're not ready to think of marriage, then don't date boys or call them your boyfriend. If you want to hang out with this guy because you think he's fun, then go out with a group of friends. One on one time with a boy is more than dangerous. Avoid situations like that because temptation is everywhere.
Being best friends with a boy does not include emotional attachment. If he likes a girl, you support him and you tell him if she's good for him or not. You help him out in relationships with other girls if he wants a relationship with another girl. You will be okay to meet his girlfriend and befriend her. You won't be jealous or possessive. You will support other relationships. If he's in love with another girl, you support him. If he's dating a girl that's no good for him, you tell him. Be a best friend, NOT a girlfriend.
If you find that your relationship with your guy best friend is bordering between dating or being friends then talk to him, ask him what's going on with you two and then come up with an agreement. Keep in mind, dating is for marriage, if you're not ready for marriage, then stay best friends, but stray away from the emotional attachment. If you like him, hang out with him, but IN A GROUP.
Phone conversations are deadly. Fine, talk to him if he's your best friend, but watch your motives and most importantly Guard your heart. If you find yourself slowly falling in love with your best friend because you have so many phone conversations and you know so much about him and he knows so much about you. Guard your heart. You guys find it easy to talk to each other. You can tell him stuff that you've never told anyone and you feel so comfortable talking to him on the phone, Watch out, guard your heart. If you know the person on the other end doesn't feel the same way about you, then what's the point. Why invest so much time on the phone when you know that the relationship is not headed toward the same goal as you. Remember, dating is for marriage. You like this guy so much, but does he even think of you in the same way? Your investing so much of your heart in this guy, but he doesn't even think of you that way. You're in love with a wall.
I know, I know. He's the only person that will listen to you. He's the only person that will understand you. You guys are best friends. Okay. Are you in love with him? Is he in love with you? If the answer is yes to both then talk to each other about the future. Talk to each other about dating if you see a marriage in the works. If you're in love with him and he only thinks of you as a best friend, that's when the shields go up. Guard your heart. Let God and Let Go. Let God take control, and let go of your feelings. It's not easy, but with all your faith in the Lord, anything can happen. Faith can move mountains, surely it can help you get over this guy. I always say, if he's the one, then God will bring him back to you.
Why invest so much time in this one guy when God could be showing you your true love. You're so focused on this one guy and you could be ignoring THE ONE that God made for you. Remember, always pray for your future husband, if marriage is meant for you. When they say Give everything to God, they literally mean give EVERYTHING to God. All your friendships, all your stresses, all your loves. Everything, Give it to God and He will take care of you.
God knows all of you. He knows all of your secrets, and all of your lies. He knows all of your shames and all your disguises. He knows who you truly are. No guy best friend can take this away from you. It may be so easy to talk to your guy best friend on the phone. It may be so easy because he listens and he understands you. But always know, that God knows all of you, he knows your past, and your future. He knows what you're going to say before you say it. He knows who you will marry, and who will break your heart. He knows the choices you will make and he knows the mistakes that you've made. Before investing so much of your life into this one guy who is your "best friend" make God your best friend first. HE will never ever let you down or break your heart. HE is the only one who truly knows how to HEAL your broken heart.
This guy, your best friend. Is he truly your best friend? Or is he something more?
The Boy Girl Dilemma.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Girlfriend tips to Girlfriends with Boyfriends
Why? Why is it that some relationships can last years and years and some only a couple of weeks. Why do some people break up and make up a million times over and over again. How do people stay together? It's easy to get together but how do you stay together?
I know I've only been in a relationship for like.........almost 4 years now, but me and my now husband, work things out great. Yeah, we fight, a lot, but we always somehow manage to stay together (in spite of my random "I want to break up with yous"). Whilst in the shower I have come up with some dating pointers that helped me and my husband.
In no particular order:
Tip #1: Live separate lives
I know that sounds stupid because you know, you're a couple, but a couple contains of two separate people. Both of you had different lives before you met each other. Don't forget that. You have your friends and he has his. Don't leave your friends and always hang out with him. The cliche "Boys come and go, but best friends last a life time" is totally true. Make sure you spend time with your best friends (preferably girlfriends for girls and boyfriends for boys - ha). Spend time apart from your boyfriend. Because you are a couple does NOT mean he is your entire life. Make time for your friends, your family.
What happens when you don't? You lose your friends. You feel as if you have no one else left except your boyfriend and no one else to turn to when you guys are in a fight. No one to talk to when things go wrong. What happens if he starts to beat you? You have no one left to confide in. You'll feel all alone and feel as if he's the only one there for you. You think that he's the only one that can understand you.
Truth be told, he's not. You had friends and though you may have already began to push them away, they're still there and they all still love you. So don't be afraid to talk to them. Don't be afraid to start living a separate life other than the one you have with your boyfriend.
Talk to your old girlfriends, set up a get together or a girls night out. It may feel weird because you haven't hung out with them in a while, but it will take time. You pushed them away, so things aren't going to go right back to the way they were. You have to re-establish the relationship you had with your girlfriends. It may take, one, two, or even ten dinners, but once you all are open and honest with each other, then the fun will begin.
Don't be shy to talk about your boyfriend because that's most definitely what girls love to do. If you aren't able to talk about your boyfriend with your girlfriends then you're hiding a major part of your life from them. These are your best friends, they'll understand and love you no matter what.
Time away from each other helps you to remember who you are as an individual. You are able to keep your own mind, make your own decisions.
Tip # 2: Get to know your boyfriends/girlfriends friends
Once you establish yourself as a separate person with a separate life with separate friends, you can get to know his friends. That way you are still a part of his separate life and you are more secure as to who he is as a person. Don't hang out with him and his friends ALL the time, still let him have his own life with his own fun. That way you're still a part of each others lives.
What happens when you don't? You may grow doubt and become insecure as to who he is hanging out with. He may not feel comfortable talking to you about that part of his life because you don't know who he's talking about. You can have conversations with each other about what you did with your friends, but if you don't know each others friends, then you guys won't be interested in what the other is saying and it causes a wall in communication. Communication is important.
Tip # 3: Create rules
I know, it sounds funny. You're not in school, so why the rules. Well, it establishes boundaries that you guys can agree with so that any jealousy or mistrust does not occur. For example, don't be in a room alone with a girl behind closed doors. For obvious reasons, it makes me feel uncomfortable, it looks bad, and there should be no reasons for him to be alone with a girl. This rule avoids fights and doubt. Or, more simply, call when you're going to be late. For guys this is hard, I have NO idea why.
Sit down together and talk about what makes each other comfortable and uncomfortable, and then create a set of rules to avoid any future fights. It's pointless fighting about the same thing, so why not create certain rules. For instance, fighting rules. i.e don't walk away in the middle of a fight, don't hang up in the middle of a fight, resolve the fight before going to bed. Stuff like that. That way you don't leave angry and the fight does not go on for days and days.
What happens when you don't? You'll end up fighting about the exact same thing, over and over and over and over again. You're fights will just get longer and longer, and more pointless, and you forget what's important in the relationship and why you got together in the first place. Without rules comes the constant break up and make ups.
Creating rules works and also stimulates communication, which again, is important. You guys will be able to understand why you had the little fights and then be able to fix it.
Rule # 4: Accept each other
Every girl pictures their perfect guy. Someone who's always on time, with big muscles and black hair with a pointy nose and blah blah blah. Every guy has their flaws and it's important to accept them for who they are and not try to change them to who you want them to be.
What happens if you don't? You'll end up believing you're dating you're "dream" boy and then eventually wake up to reality to realize that you're dating someone who is just not for you. You can't change a person, and even though you may try and it seems as if he's changing, then you're changing him into someone that's not really him.
When you open you're eyes and see a person for their personality instead of their looks, then everything else won't matter. How messy they are, the 30 minutes you have to wait in a parked car outside for them to get ready, the unanswered phone calls, the late nights playing dota............it all won't matter because you know who he is as a person and you're not dating someone fake, but someone ultimately real. You end up loving him for all that he is.
Rule #5: God First
This is the last rule I'm writing, but really, it should be the first thing you think of when you're dating a guy. Did God create him for me?
Always pray pray pray when you meet a guy and make sure he is on the right page in his Christian life, and make sure YOU are on your right page in your Christian life. If so, then everything will go smoothly, with lots of prayer and commitment. Always listen to what God is telling you. Never forget your walk with the Lord because that above all, is the most important thing.
If you feel like your walk with God has not been improving or is in a standstill while you are with your boyfriend, then tell him that you need some time to focus on God and he should understand. If he does not want to wait for you then let him go, if it was truly meant to be then he will come back when you and God are back on track.
What happens when you don't? Simple. It won't work out and you'll have to live through a whole lot of pain and heart brokenness.
So, these are probably my top 5 rules for dating, aside from the usual - Trust - Honesty - Communication.
And the general - Be yourself, don't act like someone you're not when you're with your boyfriend. Let him love you for who you are, and if he doesn't like you for who you are then you're with the wrong person. If you have to pretend to be someone you're not or hide a part of your life from him because you're afraid he won't like you, then you're with the wrong person. Be 100% honest with him, flaws and all.
Finally - Learn to like the things he likes - or at least understand it.....for instance, if he likes basketball, be familiar with the game, so at least you guys can watch it together.
Trust me, I'm no pro at dating or anything, but I've learned from my mistakes and I like to share. All of the above worked for me, so let me know if it works for you.
I know I've only been in a relationship for like.........almost 4 years now, but me and my now husband, work things out great. Yeah, we fight, a lot, but we always somehow manage to stay together (in spite of my random "I want to break up with yous"). Whilst in the shower I have come up with some dating pointers that helped me and my husband.
In no particular order:
Tip #1: Live separate lives
I know that sounds stupid because you know, you're a couple, but a couple contains of two separate people. Both of you had different lives before you met each other. Don't forget that. You have your friends and he has his. Don't leave your friends and always hang out with him. The cliche "Boys come and go, but best friends last a life time" is totally true. Make sure you spend time with your best friends (preferably girlfriends for girls and boyfriends for boys - ha). Spend time apart from your boyfriend. Because you are a couple does NOT mean he is your entire life. Make time for your friends, your family.
What happens when you don't? You lose your friends. You feel as if you have no one else left except your boyfriend and no one else to turn to when you guys are in a fight. No one to talk to when things go wrong. What happens if he starts to beat you? You have no one left to confide in. You'll feel all alone and feel as if he's the only one there for you. You think that he's the only one that can understand you.
Truth be told, he's not. You had friends and though you may have already began to push them away, they're still there and they all still love you. So don't be afraid to talk to them. Don't be afraid to start living a separate life other than the one you have with your boyfriend.
Talk to your old girlfriends, set up a get together or a girls night out. It may feel weird because you haven't hung out with them in a while, but it will take time. You pushed them away, so things aren't going to go right back to the way they were. You have to re-establish the relationship you had with your girlfriends. It may take, one, two, or even ten dinners, but once you all are open and honest with each other, then the fun will begin.
Don't be shy to talk about your boyfriend because that's most definitely what girls love to do. If you aren't able to talk about your boyfriend with your girlfriends then you're hiding a major part of your life from them. These are your best friends, they'll understand and love you no matter what.
Time away from each other helps you to remember who you are as an individual. You are able to keep your own mind, make your own decisions.
Tip # 2: Get to know your boyfriends/girlfriends friends
Once you establish yourself as a separate person with a separate life with separate friends, you can get to know his friends. That way you are still a part of his separate life and you are more secure as to who he is as a person. Don't hang out with him and his friends ALL the time, still let him have his own life with his own fun. That way you're still a part of each others lives.
What happens when you don't? You may grow doubt and become insecure as to who he is hanging out with. He may not feel comfortable talking to you about that part of his life because you don't know who he's talking about. You can have conversations with each other about what you did with your friends, but if you don't know each others friends, then you guys won't be interested in what the other is saying and it causes a wall in communication. Communication is important.
Tip # 3: Create rules
I know, it sounds funny. You're not in school, so why the rules. Well, it establishes boundaries that you guys can agree with so that any jealousy or mistrust does not occur. For example, don't be in a room alone with a girl behind closed doors. For obvious reasons, it makes me feel uncomfortable, it looks bad, and there should be no reasons for him to be alone with a girl. This rule avoids fights and doubt. Or, more simply, call when you're going to be late. For guys this is hard, I have NO idea why.
Sit down together and talk about what makes each other comfortable and uncomfortable, and then create a set of rules to avoid any future fights. It's pointless fighting about the same thing, so why not create certain rules. For instance, fighting rules. i.e don't walk away in the middle of a fight, don't hang up in the middle of a fight, resolve the fight before going to bed. Stuff like that. That way you don't leave angry and the fight does not go on for days and days.
What happens when you don't? You'll end up fighting about the exact same thing, over and over and over and over again. You're fights will just get longer and longer, and more pointless, and you forget what's important in the relationship and why you got together in the first place. Without rules comes the constant break up and make ups.
Creating rules works and also stimulates communication, which again, is important. You guys will be able to understand why you had the little fights and then be able to fix it.
Rule # 4: Accept each other
Every girl pictures their perfect guy. Someone who's always on time, with big muscles and black hair with a pointy nose and blah blah blah. Every guy has their flaws and it's important to accept them for who they are and not try to change them to who you want them to be.
What happens if you don't? You'll end up believing you're dating you're "dream" boy and then eventually wake up to reality to realize that you're dating someone who is just not for you. You can't change a person, and even though you may try and it seems as if he's changing, then you're changing him into someone that's not really him.
When you open you're eyes and see a person for their personality instead of their looks, then everything else won't matter. How messy they are, the 30 minutes you have to wait in a parked car outside for them to get ready, the unanswered phone calls, the late nights playing dota............it all won't matter because you know who he is as a person and you're not dating someone fake, but someone ultimately real. You end up loving him for all that he is.
Rule #5: God First
This is the last rule I'm writing, but really, it should be the first thing you think of when you're dating a guy. Did God create him for me?
Always pray pray pray when you meet a guy and make sure he is on the right page in his Christian life, and make sure YOU are on your right page in your Christian life. If so, then everything will go smoothly, with lots of prayer and commitment. Always listen to what God is telling you. Never forget your walk with the Lord because that above all, is the most important thing.
If you feel like your walk with God has not been improving or is in a standstill while you are with your boyfriend, then tell him that you need some time to focus on God and he should understand. If he does not want to wait for you then let him go, if it was truly meant to be then he will come back when you and God are back on track.
What happens when you don't? Simple. It won't work out and you'll have to live through a whole lot of pain and heart brokenness.
So, these are probably my top 5 rules for dating, aside from the usual - Trust - Honesty - Communication.
And the general - Be yourself, don't act like someone you're not when you're with your boyfriend. Let him love you for who you are, and if he doesn't like you for who you are then you're with the wrong person. If you have to pretend to be someone you're not or hide a part of your life from him because you're afraid he won't like you, then you're with the wrong person. Be 100% honest with him, flaws and all.
Finally - Learn to like the things he likes - or at least understand it.....for instance, if he likes basketball, be familiar with the game, so at least you guys can watch it together.
Trust me, I'm no pro at dating or anything, but I've learned from my mistakes and I like to share. All of the above worked for me, so let me know if it works for you.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Nothing Else Matters.
Life has taken a new perspective. Before I was married and had my Josi, I was always so focused on who liked me, who didn't like me, who was mad at me, and who wasn't mad at me. But now, all I care about and all I worry about is my family. I have come to the realization that I have to let go of the person that I was and grow into the person that my family needs me to be. I am no longer a teenager who worries about not being invited to that birthday party, or having the popular girls in school be mad at me. I don't stress over not having the coolest clothes and how that cute boy isn't talking to me anymore. I now worry about what to feed my husband for lunch, if we'll have enough money to pay the bills. I worry about my husband and if he will make it home from work okay, if my son is going to get through heart surgery. Throughout life God puts us through trials, both great and small, to help us realize and/or grow into our true potential and become the person he created us to be.
I always used to be so self conscious and worried about who liked me and who didn't like me. If someone was mad at me I would spend all waking hours of the day worrying about what I could have possibly done to cause the anger and what I could possibly do to fix it. I had the constant need to feel loved and be liked and to be on everyone's good side. Of course, this is nearly impossible. Someone will always have something bad to say about you. It's not entirely possible to please everyone, but I always tried. I wanted the most friends, I wanted to be invited to all the fun stuff.
I wanted to be the center of attention. I wanted everyone to laugh at me and love me, and turn to me for advice and talk to me about their problems. I felt good and more important when people would ask me for help. Being the center of attention, I would always be in the know, I would know the haps. lol. Translation: I would know all of the latest gossip and the latest news.
At some point in your lives folks, all of this stuff will be taken away from you. What is your true motive for being the most popular? Ask yourself honestly, what happens if all of your friends are taken away? What if you don't know anything that is going on with anyone? What happens if all of your money is taken away from you? What happens if you don't have that fancy car, those hip new clothes? Will your friends still be there? Even if they're not, will you be okay? If that answer is no, then rethink your life and change your motives.
Imagine being alone, absolutely alone, with no means of communication with anyone. Just you and your hole. Stuck. Would you be okay?
When I had Josi, at first, I was okay. I was so focused on being a mom, I didn't realize how much I was missing. Then I would slowly feel the need to go out. I would travel facebook and realize how much I was missing. The weather starts getting nice, and I haven't been out in a week. I was in a hole and I started to get sad because I didn't feel included in things. I didn't see or talk to my friends as often. I wasn't in the "haps" and didn't know what was going on.........with anyone. I started to get sad. It was then that I realized that I'm not a child anymore. I can't go out. I need to save money to pay bills. I can't go out. I need to cook lunch. I can't go out. I need to take care of my child. I can't go out. Slowly, I started getting sad because I wanted to go out, I wanted to go watch a movie, I wanted to take my best friend out for her birthday.
I got sad when no one visited me for an entire week. I always look forward to visits because I hear news, I see new faces other than my family. But no one came and I got sad, and more sad, and more sad.
Then I asked myself, why am I sad? I see the love of my life everyday, and our child everyday. I have food, clothing and shelter. I don't have to work (just have to wake up every 2 hours). I have God on my side and I can talk to Him anytime I want to. Everything I need is within a reach and a prayer away. Slowly, I became contented with being in my hole. Because I have my jubie and my buzz and most importantly, my online bible with me. What more do I need?
As much as I love my ghetto fabulous friends, I don't NEED them. As much as I love my ghetto fabulous new clothes, I don't NEED them. As much as I love being in the haps, and knowing all the knows, I don't NEED to. I don't need to be the most popular, or be the coolest or be the most loved. I don't need to be the center of attention and I don't need to feel needed.
I am fully content with just me and my Lord and Saviour.
Nothing Else Matters.
I always used to be so self conscious and worried about who liked me and who didn't like me. If someone was mad at me I would spend all waking hours of the day worrying about what I could have possibly done to cause the anger and what I could possibly do to fix it. I had the constant need to feel loved and be liked and to be on everyone's good side. Of course, this is nearly impossible. Someone will always have something bad to say about you. It's not entirely possible to please everyone, but I always tried. I wanted the most friends, I wanted to be invited to all the fun stuff.
I wanted to be the center of attention. I wanted everyone to laugh at me and love me, and turn to me for advice and talk to me about their problems. I felt good and more important when people would ask me for help. Being the center of attention, I would always be in the know, I would know the haps. lol. Translation: I would know all of the latest gossip and the latest news.
At some point in your lives folks, all of this stuff will be taken away from you. What is your true motive for being the most popular? Ask yourself honestly, what happens if all of your friends are taken away? What if you don't know anything that is going on with anyone? What happens if all of your money is taken away from you? What happens if you don't have that fancy car, those hip new clothes? Will your friends still be there? Even if they're not, will you be okay? If that answer is no, then rethink your life and change your motives.
Imagine being alone, absolutely alone, with no means of communication with anyone. Just you and your hole. Stuck. Would you be okay?
When I had Josi, at first, I was okay. I was so focused on being a mom, I didn't realize how much I was missing. Then I would slowly feel the need to go out. I would travel facebook and realize how much I was missing. The weather starts getting nice, and I haven't been out in a week. I was in a hole and I started to get sad because I didn't feel included in things. I didn't see or talk to my friends as often. I wasn't in the "haps" and didn't know what was going on.........with anyone. I started to get sad. It was then that I realized that I'm not a child anymore. I can't go out. I need to save money to pay bills. I can't go out. I need to cook lunch. I can't go out. I need to take care of my child. I can't go out. Slowly, I started getting sad because I wanted to go out, I wanted to go watch a movie, I wanted to take my best friend out for her birthday.
I got sad when no one visited me for an entire week. I always look forward to visits because I hear news, I see new faces other than my family. But no one came and I got sad, and more sad, and more sad.
Then I asked myself, why am I sad? I see the love of my life everyday, and our child everyday. I have food, clothing and shelter. I don't have to work (just have to wake up every 2 hours). I have God on my side and I can talk to Him anytime I want to. Everything I need is within a reach and a prayer away. Slowly, I became contented with being in my hole. Because I have my jubie and my buzz and most importantly, my online bible with me. What more do I need?
As much as I love my ghetto fabulous friends, I don't NEED them. As much as I love my ghetto fabulous new clothes, I don't NEED them. As much as I love being in the haps, and knowing all the knows, I don't NEED to. I don't need to be the most popular, or be the coolest or be the most loved. I don't need to be the center of attention and I don't need to feel needed.
I am fully content with just me and my Lord and Saviour.
Nothing Else Matters.
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