Sometimes we get caught up in our own lives. In our own little worlds, without thinking about other people and what effect you've had on them. I've felt so selfish the last couple of days because I haven't been able to keep in touch with my friends and family. I'm so busy, stuck in the daily routine of taking care of 3 kids and a dog and a husband. Life gets busy and we don't realize that it does pass us by so fast.
My youngest son, Jacob, is now 1, and he's walking and pushing his big brothers around already. Mateo is starting school in September and I have to register him for school in January. And Josiah will be in grade 1, beginning that life of real school, with real desks and real rules (do they have desks in grade 1?). My life is swimming by me and I haven't taken the time to enjoy it.
I read a blog yesterday about a mom who was going through the same thing. Her kids always thought she was mad because she just didn't have time for the snuggling at bed time routine. That's the ultimate definition of me - I feel like a sergeant in the army. Constantly telling my kids - Time for bed time, time to wake up, you have 10 minutes to clean your room. And they do it with very little, to no arguing. Do they even know I love them?
Life is passing me by and I'm being selfish about it. I complain that I'm tired, that I want to rest, that I need a break, but I don't think about other people. I haven't even taken the time to ask how my friends were or to ask how my parents are, how their lives are doing or take the time to just breathe.
I think I'm going to do that more. Appreciate life a lot more, and stress a lot less. My dog will die in about 10 years. Nala will die when Josiah is 15, Mateo is 13 and Jacob is 11. That's a short time, and because of Nala, I learned to appreciate every annoyance, every phase, and every single time she watches TV with me and plays with the kids. Life is short, it's shorter for Nala, but in general it's just short and we need to take the time to appreciate every part of it.
Today my Lola Paring passed away (My grandma/My mom's mom). I don't remember much about her, but what I do remember is that I loved her so much. I think that's what people remember the most when someone passes. How much love they had for that person, and I loved my Lola. But as my sister says, she's better now. When I got the news I was just sad. Sad that I never talked to my mom about my Lola, sad that I never asked my mom how Lola is doing, or how my mom is in general. I take advantage of all the good people in my life because I'm so stressed and like a drill sergeant, I'm always on the go and always too busy.
I refuse to be a drill sergeant. I will take time each day to be thankful for what I have. Sometimes I have these days (mostly Saturdays) where I wake up and see my house, and I just feel thankful. Thankful for these 3 kids and this house and the husband (that's still sleeping). Then that feeling quickly dissolves as I see the mess that Nala made (she chewed up our heavy duty rug the other day - don't know how) and I have to clean it up. That's when drill sergeant mode kicks in - Clean nala's mess, make the kids breakfast, make coffee, feed nala, fold the laundry, check work email etc. etc. But in those first few seconds of my (usually Saturday) morning, I feel a sense of gratitude and thankfulness for everything I have and for all that I am.
That feeling needs to not end. I'm not saying I want to be a hippie where I'm just super thankful for the skies, and the air, and my shoes and go to a world of pure bliss. I don't want to be a hippie. I just want to take more time to appreciate my kids in their every stage. To appreciate Nala in her every stage. I don't want my kids to see me as always angry, or always drilling them. And I don't want other people to see me as only caring about myself and not having time for others. I want to be more appreciative of everything and I don't want to be a stressball anymore. There's no more time in this world to stress because stressing is a waste of positive and valuable time that I could have spent playing with my kids.
I can't even remember the last time I played with my kids.
Appreciate life for all that it is - after all, we're not here for that long. Like this dude from work says, "Too blessed to be stressed"
It's All About You - It's Not About Me
Me and my Lola (I am an exact replica of Mateo) Reppin' the Pink socks and red shorts (whut whut)
My Lola Paring
