Girlfriend tips to Girlfriends with Boyfriends

Why? Why is it that some relationships can last years and years and some only a couple of weeks. Why do some people break up and make up a million times over and over again. How do people stay together? It's easy to get together but how do you stay together?

I know I've only been in a relationship for like.........almost 4 years now, but me and my now husband, work things out great. Yeah, we fight, a lot, but we always somehow manage to stay together (in spite of my random "I want to break up with yous"). Whilst in the shower I have come up with some dating pointers that helped me and my husband.

In no particular order:

Tip #1: Live separate lives

I know that sounds stupid because you know, you're a couple, but a couple contains of two separate people. Both of you had different lives before you met each other. Don't forget that. You have your friends and he has his. Don't leave your friends and always hang out with him. The cliche "Boys come and go, but best friends last a life time" is totally true. Make sure you spend time with your best friends (preferably girlfriends for girls and boyfriends for boys - ha). Spend time apart from your boyfriend. Because you are a couple does NOT mean he is your entire life. Make time for your friends, your family.

What happens when you don't? You lose your friends. You feel as if you have no one else left except your boyfriend and no one else to turn to when you guys are in a fight. No one to talk to when things go wrong. What happens if he starts to beat you? You have no one left to confide in. You'll feel all alone and feel as if he's the only one there for you. You think that he's the only one that can understand you.

Truth be told, he's not. You had friends and though you may have already began to push them away, they're still there and they all still love you. So don't be afraid to talk to them. Don't be afraid to start living a separate life other than the one you have with your boyfriend.

Talk to your old girlfriends, set up a get together or a girls night out. It may feel weird because you haven't hung out with them in a while, but it will take time. You pushed them away, so things aren't going to go right back to the way they were. You have to re-establish the relationship you had with your girlfriends. It may take, one, two, or even ten dinners, but once you all are open and honest with each other, then the fun will begin.

Don't be shy to talk about your boyfriend because that's most definitely what girls love to do. If you aren't able to talk about your boyfriend with your girlfriends then you're hiding a major part of your life from them. These are your best friends, they'll understand and love you no matter what.

Time away from each other helps you to remember who you are as an individual. You are able to keep your own mind, make your own decisions.

Tip # 2: Get to know your boyfriends/girlfriends friends

Once you establish yourself as a separate person with a separate life with separate friends, you can get to know his friends. That way you are still a part of his separate life and you are more secure as to who he is as a person. Don't hang out with him and his friends ALL the time, still let him have his own life with his own fun. That way you're still a part of each others lives.

What happens when you don't? You may grow doubt and become insecure as to who he is hanging out with. He may not feel comfortable talking to you about that part of his life because you don't know who he's talking about. You can have conversations with each other about what you did with your friends, but if you don't know each others friends, then you guys won't be interested in what the other is saying and it causes a wall in communication. Communication is important.

Tip # 3: Create rules

I know, it sounds funny. You're not in school, so why the rules. Well, it establishes boundaries that you guys can agree with so that any jealousy or mistrust does not occur. For example, don't be in a room alone with a girl behind closed doors. For obvious reasons, it makes me feel uncomfortable, it looks bad, and there should be no reasons for him to be alone with a girl. This rule avoids fights and doubt. Or, more simply, call when you're going to be late. For guys this is hard, I have NO idea why.

Sit down together and talk about what makes each other comfortable and uncomfortable, and then create a set of rules to avoid any future fights. It's pointless fighting about the same thing, so why not create certain rules. For instance, fighting rules. i.e don't walk away in the middle of a fight, don't hang up in the middle of a fight, resolve the fight before going to bed. Stuff like that. That way you don't leave angry and the fight does not go on for days and days.

What happens when you don't? You'll end up fighting about the exact same thing, over and over and over and over again. You're fights will just get longer and longer, and more pointless, and you forget what's important in the relationship and why you got together in the first place. Without rules comes the constant break up and make ups.

Creating rules works and also stimulates communication, which again, is important. You guys will be able to understand why you had the little fights and then be able to fix it.

Rule # 4: Accept each other

Every girl pictures their perfect guy. Someone who's always on time, with big muscles and black hair with a pointy nose and blah blah blah. Every guy has their flaws and it's important to accept them for who they are and not try to change them to who you want them to be.

What happens if you don't? You'll end up believing you're dating you're "dream" boy and then eventually wake up to reality to realize that you're dating someone who is just not for you. You can't change a person, and even though you may try and it seems as if he's changing, then you're changing him into someone that's not really him.

When you open you're eyes and see a person for their personality instead of their looks, then everything else won't matter. How messy they are, the 30 minutes you have to wait in a parked car outside for them to get ready, the unanswered phone calls, the late nights playing dota............it all won't matter because you know who he is as a person and you're not dating someone fake, but someone ultimately real. You end up loving him for all that he is.

Rule #5: God First

This is the last rule I'm writing, but really, it should be the first thing you think of when you're dating a guy. Did God create him for me?

Always pray pray pray when you meet a guy and make sure he is on the right page in his Christian life, and make sure YOU are on your right page in your Christian life. If so, then everything will go smoothly, with lots of prayer and commitment. Always listen to what God is telling you. Never forget your walk with the Lord because that above all, is the most important thing.

If you feel like your walk with God has not been improving or is in a standstill while you are with your boyfriend, then tell him that you need some time to focus on God and he should understand. If he does not want to wait for you then let him go, if it was truly meant to be then he will come back when you and God are back on track.

What happens when you don't? Simple. It won't work out and you'll have to live through a whole lot of pain and heart brokenness.




So, these are probably my top 5 rules for dating, aside from the usual - Trust - Honesty - Communication.

And the general - Be yourself, don't act like someone you're not when you're with your boyfriend. Let him love you for who you are, and if he doesn't like you for who you are then you're with the wrong person. If you have to pretend to be someone you're not or hide a part of your life from him because you're afraid he won't like you, then you're with the wrong person. Be 100% honest with him, flaws and all.

Finally - Learn to like the things he likes - or at least understand it.....for instance, if he likes basketball, be familiar with the game, so at least you guys can watch it together.


Trust me, I'm no pro at dating or anything, but I've learned from my mistakes and I like to share. All of the above worked for me, so let me know if it works for you.