Nothing Else Matters.

Life has taken a new perspective. Before I was married and had my Josi, I was always so focused on who liked me, who didn't like me, who was mad at me, and who wasn't mad at me. But now, all I care about and all I worry about is my family. I have come to the realization that I have to let go of the person that I was and grow into the person that my family needs me to be. I am no longer a teenager who worries about not being invited to that birthday party, or having the popular girls in school be mad at me. I don't stress over not having the coolest clothes and how that cute boy isn't talking to me anymore. I now worry about what to feed my husband for lunch, if we'll have enough money to pay the bills. I worry about my husband and if he will make it home from work okay, if my son is going to get through heart surgery. Throughout life God puts us through trials, both great and small, to help us realize and/or grow into our true potential and become the person he created us to be.

I always used to be so self conscious and worried about who liked me and who didn't like me. If someone was mad at me I would spend all waking hours of the day worrying about what I could have possibly done to cause the anger and what I could possibly do to fix it. I had the constant need to feel loved and be liked and to be on everyone's good side. Of course, this is nearly impossible. Someone will always have something bad to say about you. It's not entirely possible to please everyone, but I always tried. I wanted the most friends, I wanted to be invited to all the fun stuff.

I wanted to be the center of attention. I wanted everyone to laugh at me and love me, and turn to me for advice and talk to me about their problems. I felt good and more important when people would ask me for help. Being the center of attention, I would always be in the know, I would know the haps. lol. Translation: I would know all of the latest gossip and the latest news.

At some point in your lives folks, all of this stuff will be taken away from you. What is your true motive for being the most popular? Ask yourself honestly, what happens if all of your friends are taken away? What if you don't know anything that is going on with anyone? What happens if all of your money is taken away from you? What happens if you don't have that fancy car, those hip new clothes? Will your friends still be there? Even if they're not, will you be okay? If that answer is no, then rethink your life and change your motives.

Imagine being alone, absolutely alone, with no means of communication with anyone. Just you and your hole. Stuck. Would you be okay?

When I had Josi, at first, I was okay. I was so focused on being a mom, I didn't realize how much I was missing. Then I would slowly feel the need to go out. I would travel facebook and realize how much I was missing. The weather starts getting nice, and I haven't been out in a week. I was in a hole and I started to get sad because I didn't feel included in things. I didn't see or talk to my friends as often. I wasn't in the "haps" and didn't know what was going on.........with anyone. I started to get sad. It was then that I realized that I'm not a child anymore. I can't go out. I need to save money to pay bills. I can't go out. I need to cook lunch. I can't go out. I need to take care of my child. I can't go out. Slowly, I started getting sad because I wanted to go out, I wanted to go watch a movie, I wanted to take my best friend out for her birthday.

I got sad when no one visited me for an entire week. I always look forward to visits because I hear news, I see new faces other than my family. But no one came and I got sad, and more sad, and more sad.

Then I asked myself, why am I sad? I see the love of my life everyday, and our child everyday. I have food, clothing and shelter. I don't have to work (just have to wake up every 2 hours). I have God on my side and I can talk to Him anytime I want to. Everything I need is within a reach and a prayer away. Slowly, I became contented with being in my hole. Because I have my jubie and my buzz and most importantly, my online bible with me. What more do I need?

As much as I love my ghetto fabulous friends, I don't NEED them. As much as I love my ghetto fabulous new clothes, I don't NEED them. As much as I love being in the haps, and knowing all the knows, I don't NEED to. I don't need to be the most popular, or be the coolest or be the most loved. I don't need to be the center of attention and I don't need to feel needed.

I am fully content with just me and my Lord and Saviour.

Nothing Else Matters.