WAIT! Stop Yelling and WAIT! That's All You Need.

Today on my way home this guy behind me flipped out because he didn't have enough space to turn into his favourite burger joint and I wouldn't move up for him because there was a car in front of me. He squeezed his way through then continued to yell at me that I had enough space. I yelled back that I didn't. He was so upset that he couldn't eat his burger two minutes earlier than he could have. 

This whole debacle upset me. I was absolutely livid that someone would yell at me that he couldn't get to his burger on time. It's not like he was on his way to the hospital. He was turning into Apache burger....they're not even that good. Did he have to pee? Was it some emergency? If it was, he still had time to stop beside me and yell.

Regardless, yesterday I shared a video about people fighting over a parking spot at Costco. Literally. Fighting. Over a parking spot. I've been there. That's my home Costco. There's a lot of parking. It's a plaza. You can park at Walmart. The fact that they took the time to yell, then proceed to punch each other over a parking spot. It's a parking spot. The time you spent fighting each other, could have been spent trying to find another parking spot - for pete's sake, the guy filming the video said that he was trying to leave but he couldn't because their car was blocking him. If they just waited two minutes, one of them could have had his spot.

I think that's the key word though. Wait. If the guy who yelled at me WAITED until the light turned green, then he wouldn't have been so angry, if the people at Costco WAITED until the next parking spot became available, then there would have been less angry people, and less crying children.

Why are we all in such a rush? None of these situations were emergencies.

On my way home today I was so angry, but then I thought, what is there to be angry about? I'm not going to waste my drive home on such a beautiful day, dwelling on something that I couldn't help make better. Thinking more about the situation would have made me more upset. And the guy eating his Apache burger probably is still ranting about how I wouldn't move up. I'm going to take the higher road, and look around me, and feel blessed.

I wish people would do that more often. In any event of stress, we should just stop and think about the blessings that you have. The blessings that God has given you.

I haven't talked about this much, but on my trip to the Philippines and India, aside from learning a lot about work, I learned a lot more about myself, and just how blessed I am to even be living in Canada.

People probably say that a lot after visiting a 3rd world country. I hated it there. I hated it in India, I thought everything was dirty and gross. All I could hear and see around me was poverty and sadness, and just.......poor people. I wanted to go home to my house, with my family, and my bed, and my comfort.

On my first day back in Canada, I realized why I hated India so much. I hated it because it showed how little I'm doing in my own life. It revealed to me how ungrateful I am and how I don't take the time to be......thankful. Every day I would complain that I'm tired, that my car feels like it's breaking, or that I don't want to eat chicken again, for the 15th day in a row. Or I complain that the house is so messy and that I'm tired. 

One day, on one of our hour long drives in India, I noticed something. Beside the people bathing on the streets, and people digging through dirt looking for food, and a couple of stray dogs running around, beside the children selling randomness to cars in traffic, and beside the shanty houses, and dirt houses and cloth houses. Beside all that crap of garbage was one white wall, written in red spray paint "Jesus loves you." That's all it said. And you know what? Jesus does love them. Jesus loves you, and he loves me.

It's so simple. Jesus loves us. He loves us all. Whether we have money, or if we're poor, or if we're sad or angry. Jesus loves us for who we are. We're all in the same boat. He doesn't love one of us more than the other. He just loves us. Isn't that all we need? 

Can we all just stop? JUST STOP! Take a minute. Look around you! Be grateful! Stop being so selfish. Stop thinking about YOURSELF. JUST STOP! Please! Be happy. Be happy that you're alive. Be happy that you have food on the table, or internet every day. Just be happy that Jesus Loves You! Not everyone knows that, and maybe that's why they're so angry......and impatient............and cranky. It's okay. It's okay to be angry, or annoyed, or cranky, or yell. That's fine. Just don't dwell on it. Don't let the anger sit there. Remember, Jesus Loves You. That's all you need.

The Hulk Loses in Me

What fuels your anger?

I've never read a book about controlling your anger. I've never take classes and I've never been to therapy. I just know that some things are worth being mad about and other things just arent worth my time and energy being mad about.

Being a mother of three, it's important to learn how to control your anger and what's worth yelling and not yelling for. I read this article about a kid who was scared of his mom because she just yelled all the time. It was a more in depth story that I probably won't tell properly but it really spoke to me. What kind of mother do I want to be? Do I want to be that mom who nags and yells all the time or do I want to be that calm, kind and loving mom who shows compassion and caring for everything. How do I want my kids to remember me when I die or when they get older? How do I want the world to remember me when I die?

You also have to keep in mind that anger doesn't just affect you. It affects everyone around you as well. Anger is a very selfish emotion. It sucks the happiness out of yourself and everyone around you. Do you really want to do that? Is what you're about to be angry about worth making everyone else around you and yourself miserable? Do you really want to ruin everyone else's time and day?

When I got married someone gave me the advice "pick your battles." I use that advice for my anger as well. Is this worth being angry for? I'm not going to let my anger win this battle. I pick my battles. I'm not going to let my anger control me. I stay in charge of my anger and most things aren't even worth getting angry for if you think about it.

That doesn't mean I don't care or that I choose to make others mad on purpose. Even though that's what it may look like to others, it's not. I just choose to stay positive. I choose to stay in my mental happiness because what you're getting mad over is something that I don't think is worth the time, the energy or sucking the happiness out of everyone around me for. It's not that I don't care, it's just that I feel that staying calm and dealing with the situation in a more rational and happier manner is better than the way your anger is dealing with it now.

So yes. I care that you're mad. But I just choose to deal with it in a better way.

So what makes me mad then? What's worth being angry for? I refuse to get mad for anything materialistic. So if I lose an item, if my kids break my phone, if my wallet gets lost - all that is replaceable and there are better ways of dealing with that situation than anger. Now, if someone is hurting my family. If someone hit my dog or attacked my kids. If someone was driving drunk and hit my car and my family was hurt. Those are all situations that would trigger the hulk inside of me. Im a mom. I love my family and will fight for them with every bone in my body. Anything else is materialistic and replaceable. I choose to value and treasure my relationships than to let anger control me. Don't get me wrong. I get annoyed a lot. But I don't get mad like I used to.

By the grace of God. This is who I have grown to be. This is what He has taught me. And this is why I am the way I am today. I haven't always been like this but I've been through so much in life, that I choose to let go and let God be in me and live through me.

Life is hard if you choose to make it that way. I choose God.

This is me, just appreciating life. Too Blessed to be Stressed.

It's been over a year since I've written a post, but I feel it's most necessary today.

Sometimes we get caught up in our own lives. In our own little worlds, without thinking about other people and what effect you've had on them. I've felt so selfish the last couple of days because I haven't been able to keep in touch with my friends and family. I'm so busy, stuck in the daily routine of taking care of 3 kids and a dog and a husband.  Life gets busy and we don't realize that it does pass us by so fast.

My youngest son, Jacob, is now 1, and he's walking and pushing his big brothers around already. Mateo is starting school in September and I have to register him for school in January. And Josiah will be in grade 1, beginning that life of real school, with real desks and real rules (do they have desks in grade 1?). My life is swimming by me and I haven't taken the time to enjoy it.

I read a blog yesterday about a mom who was going through the same thing. Her kids always thought she was mad because she just didn't have time for the snuggling at bed time routine.  That's the ultimate definition of me - I feel like a sergeant in the army. Constantly telling my kids - Time for bed time, time to wake up, you have 10 minutes to clean your room. And they do it with very little, to no arguing. Do they even know I love them?

Life is passing me by and I'm being selfish about it. I complain that I'm tired, that I want to rest, that I need a break, but I don't think about other people. I haven't even taken the time to ask how my friends were or to ask how my parents are, how their lives are doing or take the time to just breathe.

I think I'm going to do that more. Appreciate life a lot more, and stress a lot less. My dog will die in about 10 years. Nala will die when Josiah is 15, Mateo is 13 and Jacob is 11. That's a short time, and because of Nala, I learned to appreciate every annoyance, every phase, and every single time she watches TV with me and plays with the kids. Life is short, it's shorter for Nala, but in general it's just short and we need to take the time to appreciate every part of it.

Today my Lola Paring passed away (My grandma/My mom's mom). I don't remember much about her, but what I do remember is that I loved her so much. I think that's what people remember the most when someone passes. How much love they had for that person, and I loved my Lola. But as my sister says, she's better now. When I got the news I was just sad. Sad that I never talked to my mom about my Lola, sad that I never asked my mom how Lola is doing, or how my mom is in general. I take advantage of all the good people in my life because I'm so stressed and like a drill sergeant, I'm always on the go and always too busy.

I refuse to be a drill sergeant. I will take time each day to be thankful for what I have. Sometimes I have these days (mostly Saturdays) where I wake up and see my house, and I just feel thankful. Thankful for these 3 kids and this house and the husband (that's still sleeping). Then that feeling quickly dissolves as I see the mess that Nala made (she chewed up our heavy duty rug the other day - don't know how) and I have to clean it up. That's when drill sergeant mode kicks in - Clean nala's mess, make the kids breakfast, make coffee, feed nala, fold the laundry, check work email etc. etc. But in those first few seconds of my (usually Saturday) morning, I feel a sense of gratitude and thankfulness for everything I have and for all that I am.

That feeling needs to not end. I'm not saying I want to be a hippie where I'm just super thankful for the skies, and the air, and my shoes and go to a world of pure bliss. I don't want to be a hippie. I just want to take more time to appreciate my kids in their every stage. To appreciate Nala in her every stage. I don't want my kids to see me as always angry, or always drilling them. And I don't want other people to see me as only caring about myself and not having time for others. I want to be more appreciative of everything and I don't want to be a stressball anymore. There's no more time in this world to stress because stressing is a waste of positive and valuable time that I could have spent playing with my kids.

I can't even remember the last time I played with my kids.

Appreciate life for all that it is - after all, we're not here for that long. Like this dude from work says, "Too blessed to be stressed"

It's All About You - It's Not About Me

 Me and my Lola (I am an exact replica of Mateo) Reppin' the Pink socks and red shorts (whut whut)

My Lola Paring

 My sister (sorry Ate - for the glasses), Kuya Mike (too cool for school) and Me with my Lola

 My sister (sorry Ate, again - With the glasses), Kuya Mike, Ate Kat and Me with my Lola

Every day is a Mission

Every day is a mission.  Getting up, making food, eating, sleeping, breathing.  I feel like I can't do it anymore.  I don't have the energy to get up in the morning or even eat.  I am beyond tired and exhausted to the point of exhaustion.  I thought going to school with two kids and a job and being married was tiring.  That's easy compared to what I'm going through now.  My mind is gone.  I am beyond baby brain.  I can't even remember my kids' names sometimes.  I rarely get any sleep and my mind is always on busy mode.  I am constantly thinking about something.  Something to do, something I may have forgotten, something I was supposed to do.  And if it's not something I forgot, I'm thinking about stuff that I should do or should have done.  I think about stuff that I could have done differently.  I think about how Mateo and Josiah think I might be neglecting them because I'm so busy with baby Jacob.  I think about how I should be doing more, and how I'm not doing enough.  And with all this thinking, nothing gets done.  I get emotionally drained and emotionally tired.  My body aches, my brain aches and in the end I just want to sleep but I can't because I have to feed the baby and because my busy brain just won't let me sleep.  I am tired.

In the middle of the busy-ness of life, I always remember, God only puts us into situations that we can handle.  So I can handle this.  Three kids, marriage, a job and all the other stuff that I'm handling right now.  God knows that I can do this, and so I will do this, and I will get through this tired phase and again, things will get better.  I also have to remember that I'm not alone in the world and I have to learn how to ask for help and learn how to let things go.  I can't worry about what other people think of me.  I need to worry about myself and my family.

As tired as I am, I feel very blessed to have 4 wonderful men in my life.  I have a beautiful family and I am very happy with my life right now because I know I am loved and I have something to live for.  Every day, as hard as it is to get up and do stuff, I do get up and I do cook, and I do eat and breathe and live through the crazyness that each day brings because I love my family and because they need me and because this is what I was meant to do.  As a mother and a wife, I was meant to love and care for my family, and it truly is a blessing to be able to do what I do every day.  I am forever grateful for what I have, and who I have in my life.

So yes, every day is a mission.  Every day is hard.  Every day is just painful and exhausting and I just want to cry.  But every day is still a blessing.  Because I am loved and I live to love.  So I thank God for my life and every part of my life.

Eye of the Tiger

Every time I hear Katy Perry's Song "Roar" I feel like crying out of utter joy.  This year has been the WORST year of my life.  EVERRRRRR.  Somehow, I managed to get through everything.  I feel like no matter how hard life got, no matter how many times I was pushed down and beaten up and shoved into a corner by life, I still got up again and fought back and I feel like a champion.  I really don't like starting off blogs with a whole paragraph about how great I am and how amazing I am because in reality, I wouldn't be here today without my family supporting me, and my friends being there for me.  I wouldn't be anywhere without the people surrounding me, and of course, without the strength of God in my heart I wouldn't have gotten through anything.

I know most of what I write is about overcoming obstacles and difficult times in life.  I just think that it's important to remember that no matter what happens in life, you can always, ALWAYS get through any difficulties that come your way, because God only gives you what you can handle, and honestly, once you get through the difficult times, you kind of feel like a champion and that you can conquer anything.  That's how I feel when I listen to this song.  I have been through so much this past year and I got through it and I feel like a champion and I want to just celebrate because I feel like I can breathe now and I am ready for more obstacles to come my way.

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder, gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up
Get ready cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

[Chorus]
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Louder, louder than a lion
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
You’re gonna hear me roar

Now I’m floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero

You held me down, but I got up
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder, gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up
Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

Today is Going to Be a GOOD day!!!

I woke up this morning with the sun beaming on my face and thought, “Today is going to be a horrible day!”

The sun was beaming on my face, I was all sweaty because our A/C broke, and the kids are looking into my face SCREAMING for cereal.  I thought to myself, “Today is going to be a HORRIBLE day!”

I made their cereal, and my oldest decides it would be a GREAT idea to toss his bowl on the floor.  I look at the mess and think, “Today is going to be  a horrible day.”

I go to the bathroom, only to see that my husband didn’t flush the toilet and he left the toothpaste cap off.  I thought to myself, “Ugh, today is going to be a horrible day.”

I get the kids ready for school, which takes HOURS because they’re kids.  I get my bagel in the toaster and rush to put on my work clothes, only to realize that the outfit I wanted to wear is in the laundry. And to top it all off, my bagel burnt in the toaster.  Yes, today is going to be a horrible day.

I get in my car, drop the kids at school and go to work.  They raised the parking price by 10 dollars.  Amazing.  Today is going to be a horrible day.

I walk in to work only to realize that once again, the building put the AC on full blast, and I forgot my sweater at home.  I didn’t think I had to bring one seeing as how it was the hottest day of the year.  I shiver as I turn on my computer.  Today is going to be a horrible day.

Staring at my computer screen for 5 hours, freezing in my chair I decide to go for a walk outside to warm up.  It’s nice and hot out, I realize then, that I forgot to call the repair man to fix the AC.  My house is going to be boiling when I get home.  Today is going to be a horrible day!!

I walk around the block and drink about 3 gallons of water to keep myself cool.  Whew, it’s a really hot day today.  A nice policeman tells me that I should stay inside.  There’s a heat alert warning.  I walk past a couple of people on the streets thinking, they should get inside, they look thirsty.  And I walk back to the office and toss the extra water bottle I was carrying into the garbage.

I finish off the freezing day at work and drive home.  I was stuck in traffic for about an hour but I finally made it.  I picked up the kids and turned on the car radio.  The announcer said that 7 homeless people died today due to the heat.  I thought, it wasn’t THAT hot, they probably died of overdose or something.

I went home, and realized that my husband fixed the AC  and the house wasn’t even that hot.  My husband ended up coming home early and cooking dinner for me and the kids.  The kids had an exhausting day at school and wanted to sleep early and my husband and I were able to squeeze in a movie before we went to bed.  I thought to myself, I guess today wasn’t that bad of a day.

………………………………………………………………………………………

I woke up this morning with the sun beaming on my face and thought, “Today is going to be a good day!”

I reached over to pick up my satchel carrying my life’s possessions, a toothbrush, an extra change of clothes, a couple of hair ties, and two pairs of socks.  I wanted to start the day feeling fresh, only to realize that my satchel was gone.  Someone had stolen it.  “Oh well,” I thought to myself.  “Today is going to be a good day!”

I walked over to the fountain and washed my face, two little kids were laughing at me and throwing pieces of their left over hot dog buns at me.  I picked a piece up, looked at them and smiled, thinking, “Breakfast! Today really is going to be a good day!”

I gathered the rest of my “breakfast” and put it in my pocket.  I walked over to Shelley’s hut to see if she would want some breakfast too.  She wouldn’t wake up.  I thought to myself, “She’s with the Lord now, in a much happier place, probably eating a nice meal with Jesus.  Today is going to be a good day.”  I wiped the tear from my eye and continued walking.

Off to work I go.  Grabbing my usual high traffic spot at the corner of Main and 23^rd, I saw all the people walking on their way to work, busy with their cell phones and business conversations.  I found a penny on the floor, smiled to myself and thought “I may be able to afford a new toothbrush, today is going to be a good day!” 

I settled into my spot when a cranky policeman that had missed his morning coffee gave me a bright yellow piece of paper, he said I had to pay it within the next two weeks, and then he made me move from my spot.  I thought to myself “How nice that this man thinks that I can afford to pay a fine, when I don’t even have shoes on my feet.  Today is going to be a good day.”

I walked back around to find the nearest shelter.  I was hot and needed some water, the shelter is usually helpful with things like that.  Turns out, it’s one of the hottest days of the year, and the shelter is already filled with people that need water and a place to stay cool.  I thought to myself “How nice that they were able to help out that many people!  Today really IS a good day!”

I tried to find some cool air in one of the nearest buildings.  The security guard turned me away.  I tried 10 more buildings, and was turned away ten more times.  I sat on the floor and stared up at the sun.  I thought to myself, “Today is going to be a good day!”  I fell asleep out of exhaustion and heat.   I’m actually not sure if I passed out or fell asleep, but I like to think I have the privilege of resting in the beautiful sun, unlike all the business people who are stuck inside all day, slaving away in front of those computers of theirs.

My heart starts beating faster and faster as the sun reaches its highest point.  I stare up at it thinking, “What a beautiful view, not a cloud in the sky, got the sun in my eyes….” And start humming a tune.  I start feeling dizzy again.  I don’t feel so well.  I want to vomit, but the piece of bread I had for breakfast is already digested and there’s nothing left to vomit.  I try to tell myself one more time, “Today is going to be a good day!”

All of a sudden I feel someone lift me up and carry me away from all the heat and my body feels strong again.  I feel happy, the happiest I’ve been.  It’s a feeling of inexplicable joy.  I don’t want to open my eyes because I fear that this happiness will go away.  I take a quick peek at my Saviour.   I rest my head on His shoulder and I smile because I know that where I am going, EVERY DAY will be a good day, just like today.

Thank you Jesus, for making today a good day!

Love and be loved.

If you died tomorrow, how would you spend your last moments in life? If your best friend died tomorrow, what were the last words you said to her? Were they memorable? What if your wife and family were to die in a car crash? Were the last moments you spent with them memorable? Did you treat them in the way you want them to remember you? Did you say everything that needed to be said? Again I ask, what if you were to die today? Did you live your fullest, laugh your loudest and love the most?

Lately I've been thinking alot about death and what is important for me to leave my family. How do I want them to remember me? What legacy or memory do I want people to remember me by?

I realized that the most important things in life are not material things. It's not about cars or shoes or big houses. They won't always be there. The most important thing in life is building relationships with the people around you. To be remembered as loving and caring and giving. At my funeral it's not going to be my computer or my car or my phone that comes to my funeral, it will be the people that I love and the people that I built a relationship with. 

We don't know when we're going to live or die. Spend the time you have on earth loving the people around you. Don't isolate yourself. Love others and show them that you love them. They may not be there tomorrow.